17 January 1995

I did not realize the ramifications of erasing my drive without having a back up …9 years of my life gone… I became very task orientated and began to work on the reconstruction… You patiently gave me the space to do this…. All the time I am becoming more squirrely because I am not in our oasis…not surrendering to you but totally absorbed in my work … You call to me beckon me knowing my needs and yours but I ignore your subtle call and you allow me the time to correct my computer problem and reaching out touching me warning me that I need to fall back surrender you allow me to make this decision on my own … Some lessons are best learned from experience you have told me many times though you can at any point order me to obey with out question and you do many times you will let your falcon find home on her own. Patiently standing arm extended holding your breath knowing that if your training your teaching your guidance has taken hold I will always come home.


Though you are never far and we speak on the phone 4 or 5 hours a day you call me in the night wake me and pull me into a scene I awaken wet clutching my core your voice calling commanding God I adore you Master….

But still you let me fly sending me notes through out the day reminding me who I am… And of our love …

Here are some of those notes:

STOP.. close your eyes.. fall backwards and feel the sweet love I have for you.. I am surrounding you.. bathing you… and painting your soul with my love.

I adore you natasha.. so completely.. so perfectly… god I love you.



I love you so much.. and appreciate all that you are more than you know. I’ve been filled with you and your light all day ( even more than usual ).

Thank you natasha.. from the bottom of my heart —-


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