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23 December 1994

Food For Thought

I wrote the following thought to my Master and was wondering do other submissives find guilt hard to deal with or does the very nature of D/s alleviate guilt… it seems to be the antithesis of D/s and destructive .. What do the Dominants do in their D/s relationships to ensure the submissives great desire to serve her/his Master does not create guilt when she/he falters.

Thoughts on letting my Master down and guilt

I was thinking of how I feel when I disobey your wishes…when I do not put your needs first… sometimes I am not aware of the transgression till later … a bit oblivious in my unbridled enthusiasm…at times you wait to see if I will see for myself what has transpired…

In past relationships my guilt overwhelmed me confused me …. I wished to be released from my guilt. My eyes welled up in my turmoil. The battle is inside! You Master never use guilt as a tool …you always strive to help me find my peace… in you ….

But you Master are so in tune with me you watch me stretch me help me seek that place where I belong in your dominion …serving you… You comfort me, bring me peace. I cannot undo what I have done so you release me from my guilt at times with the kiss of your whip or with a quiet voice that lets me know I can make amends at times you push my face to the floor I can not see you I feel your power… alone with my thoughts unable to move but always Master you let me hear your voice clearly.

22 December 1994

Master this was a special moment I was speaking to some one of you and I felt that rush that sensation when nothing else matters… The world fades it matters not who else is present …what is going on I am gripped by your dominion and possessed by my surrender… I adore you my Master

{natasha}   looks up and sees her Master feels compelled to walk to
him and place her lips to his feet … in adoration
{Artful}   beams and feels a special rush roll over his body like a
wave meeting the shore
{Artful}   leans to cup natasha ‘s cheek and lifts her face to his..
{Artful}   meeting her lip.. and kissing her…
{natasha}   slides her body up her Masters body in quiet supplication
{Artful}   tasting her mouth
{natasha}   lips touching tongue tracing yours I adore you My Master
{Artful}   smiling .. and I adore you as well my darling .. more
than I would have ever believed possible
{Artful}   yet.. here we are
{natasha}   yes Master and slave one
{LrdGentle} —quietly leaves the room…….until tomorrow
{Artful}   a perfect dance..  amazingly without choreography
{Artful}   leans and scoops natasha’s supple body into his
{Strider|}  Artful:  D/s love at it’s finest.  Both of you have my
{stri^cat}  hiya babe how are you?
{natasha}   a dance of souls
{natasha}   bye all
{Artful}   standing tall.. cradling her .. looking into her eyes.. and
carries her from the channel
{Artful}   good night friends
{Silkwitch} night Arturo {s}
{Silkwitch} kiss natasha for me
{Artful}   smiles
{Artful}   indeed

20 December 1994

Master this is a simple scene we did on #TheEdge undernet … a lesson in humility … a lesson in serving my Master… a scene so simple that many may not even see it as a scene… and yet for me it was powerful … it pushed me expanded me in front of our friends … and brought more strongly into focus what I live for to serve you.

{natasha} crawls around the floor pinching bottoms
{HeavyHand} rests his feet on natasha as she crawls by
{natasha} tries to escape before anyone sees her
{Artful} looks at natasha and raises an eyebrow
{natasha} darn HeavyHand caught me
{Artful} chuckling
{natasha} looks at her master and grins sheepishly
{HeavyHand} gets comfy, diggggs his heels in a little
{natasha} Master oh sheesh I got caught
{natasha} lol
{HeavyHand} wonders if anyone is going to lay claim to this lovely
{natasha} reaches up and tickles Heavy Hand ankles
{natasha} trying to squirm out
{HeavyHand} isn’t ticklish, natasha
{^calli} afternoon all 🙂
{HeavyHand} hello calli, come here hon
{natasha} giggles master aren’t ya gonna save me
* ^calli walks over to HeavyHand….afternoon, Sir
{natasha} lol Dom DOM DOM …foiled again
{Artful} laffin
{Artful} NO
{HeavyHand} takes calli’s face in his hands and kisses her gently
* ^calli smiles and softly returns his kiss
{Artful} Her neck is particularly comfortable for your feet HEAVY
{HeavyHand} thanks, Artful.
{HeavyHand} adjusts his feet, ankles on natashas neck
{Artful} There now HEAVY HAND .. how does that feel
{Artful} nice huh?
{HeavyHand} much better!
{natasha} feels her face to the floor, kinna likes it lol…laughing
{HeavyHand} smiles at calli, and thinks about that topic, open,
honest communications
{natasha} groans and relaxes… giggling cant stop laughing
{HeavyHand} how was shopping, calli, did you buy out the store??
{natasha} hi calli hugs
{Artful} grabs natasha’s mound lifting her bottom into the air…
{^calli} not quite, Sir. *smile*
{natasha} oh godddddddddddddddddd
{Artful} and carefully balances a tea service on her
{Artful} Some tea HEAVY HAND?
{^calli} the weather is so bad here that we didn’t get out of town
and that limited my shopping a lot
{natasha} my bottoms not that big must be a service for 2 lol
* ^calli smiles hello to natasha
{HeavyHand} thanks,, Artful, you are a gracious host
{HeavyHand} calli, please serve Arturo a cup
{Artful} pours some steaming hot tea in a cup for HEAVY HAND..
making sure a couple of scalding droplets fall on
natasha’s creamy white skin
{natasha} hi calli sorry I am somewhat restrained not feeling to
{natasha} ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh
{Artful} Some honey with that HEAVY HAND?
{HeavyHand} hmmmm honey sounds wonderful, Artful
* ^calli carefully pours Artful a cup of tea
{natasha} sighs and surrenders to the situation
* ^calli glances ruefully at the bruise on her hand….no problem,
natasha.. I don’t feel too graceful most of the time when someone is
stepping on my neck groans
{Artful} squeezes the honey bear into H’s tea cup,… and then
squeezes some of the
sticky sweet liquid over natasha allowing some of it to
ooze between her lovely cheeks
{Artful} Lemon HEAVYHAND?
{natasha} moans as she feels the sweet stickiness ooze down her… oh
{Artful} uses a paring knife to slice a fresh lemon into wedges…
{Artful} and lays it down upon her back.. the cool steel blade
touching her skin..
{Artful} squeezes a wedge into his cup. and one into HEAVY HAND;’s..
{natasha} contemplates biting ankles blushing 10 shades of red
{Artful} hmm 10 shades…
{Artful} how absolutely lovely
* ^calli sees the knife, sinks to the floor beside HeavyHands’s
chair, and shudders
{HeavyHand} calli, relax
{Artful} I love you my treasure – smiling
{HeavyHand} squeezes a slice of lemon, spatters it all over natasha, and
his fingers and in his tea
{natasha} jerks as the coolness sends a shudder through her as it
touches her burning flesh
{natasha} oh lord mercy please no more pinching bottoms
{HeavyHand} looks at Artful, *grins*
{^calli} Sir, you seem to tell me to relax fairly often
{Artful} Not another word like that deamon
{HeavyHand} calli, you tend to let the world upset you, fairly
often, hehehehe
{^calli} not necessarily, Sir…only certain things upset me
{HeavyHand} I love how these irc conversations develop, when you
add in the lag factor ROTF
{natasha} sighs calli fair warning to you do not crawl on the floor
and pinch bottoms
{Artful} natasha.. I do believe you are the finest piece of
furniture I own
^calli makes a mental note to *never* do that
{Artful} ahh yes.. crawling and pinching bottoms
{natasha} groans and says why master thank you … think Ethan
Allan would be interested
{Artful} a novel idea
{HeavyHand} Artful, fine furniture always carries a brand, you know
{Solo-} pinching yes….crawling….well….
* ^calli thinks about getting out the sling shot and M&M’s instead
{natasha} maybe I can make Architechual Digest
{HeavyHand} calli, have fun, but don’t you think fifty is enough?
{Kree} lol calli
{Artful} natasha .. what is written on your most private of parts?
{natasha} OH God Master do I have to say
{natasha} growls at HEAVY HAND
{Artful} yes.. my sweet coffee table.. I believe you do
* ^calli glances at HEAVY HAND and decides not to act on those
about the sling shot
{^calli} 50 is enough, Sir
{natasha} POMA
{Artful} pops natasha’s sweet butt once for that cute.. yet
impetuous growl
{HeavyHand} Artful, careful, you almost knocked my legs off!
{natasha} calli distract your master please
{HeavyHand} gently strokes callis lovely hair, and wonders what
color she will delight him with this week
{Artful} There are always casualties HEAVY HAND.. I’ll try to be
more careful
with the friendly fire – smiles
{Artful} and what does POMA stand for my darling
* ^calli purrs…and tries to decide what color would be best
{natasha} Property Of Master Artful
{natasha} which I am heart and soul
{Artful} and of that.. is there any doubt my sweet sweet treasure?
{Artful} relaxes sipping tea with his friend
{HeavyHand} laughs, and appreciates all that goes on
{Artful} feet comfy HEAVY HAND?
{HeavyHand} thank you Artful, your hospitality is wonderful
{natasha} groans noooo Master
{natasha} are you all through teasing me now
{HeavyHand} I think so, natasha,
{Artful} Why thank you.. HEAVY HAND.. one must not be so greedy as
to bury his treasure..
{HeavyHand} gently raises his feet, and sets them on the floor in front
of natashas face
{natasha} can I get up pleaseeeeeeeee
{Artful} a treasure shared is a treasure multiplied
{Artful} when I finish my tea dear.. please be patient
{natasha} you are my treasure can I share you master someone is
waiting for you on another channel.
{natasha} why don’t you go lol
* ^flower smiles enjoying this room thinking she could learn much
{Artful} sips his tea swirling the remaining liquid in his cup
{natasha} flower easy for you to say
{natasha} lol
* ^flower giggles
{Kree} flower as you have much to share with everyone else
{HeavyHand} Artful, I never keep my treasures for myself… as
those who know me best will attest
{Artful} pops natasha again on her cute butt
{natasha} lesson 101 in humility here
{Artful} you know what for – smlies.
{HeavyHand} calli?
{^calli} yes Sir?
{Artful} finishes the last of his tea
{Artful} and removes the service from natasha’s lovely posterior
{Artful} and lifts her in his arms..
{natasha} cuddles her master
{natasha} blushing still
{Artful} carrying her to the next room to clean the spilled honey in
his special way
{Artful} mmmm
{Artful} sweet
{HeavyHand} LOL
{Artful} delish
{Artful} you are lovely my dear natasha..
{HeavyHand} calli, how do *I* feel about sharing
{Artful} god how I adore you
{natasha} Thank you master I live to serve and please you
{Artful} cradles natasha and her freshly cleaned bum in his arms..
{Artful} kissing her neck
{Artful} smiling into her eyes
{^calli} I seem to remember you saying something along the lines
that sharing is a demonstration of ownership, Sir
{HeavyHand} heheheh, have I kept you solely for myself, calli?
{Artful} whispering to her
{natasha} smiles back …. moaning gently her hands touching your
flesh so softly it is but a breeze on your skin
{^calli} no Sir
{Artful} I adore you my natasha)
{natasha} a gentle exploration ….. sweet electric sensation
{Artful} relaxes and soaks in her delicious surrender
{HeavyHand} *grin* remember how Artful acted today, and natasha…
easy in their play and jests, sure of their love for each
{HeavyHand} each taking joy in the accomplishments of the other
{^calli} of course, Sir
* ^flower sighs…thinking it was lovely indeed
{natasha} smiles
{natasha} Heavy Hand it is the type of scene some can not understand
{HeavyHand} that is the joy you bring to me always, calli.
{HeavyHand} and that is the joy that was crushed as well
{natasha} the depth of submission that it takes me to I can not
{natasha} Thank you Sir
{natasha} Thank you Master
{HeavyHand} I love you , calli, and would have you learn all that
there is in the world
{HeavyHand} not just what I have to teach you,
{Artful} smiles proudly…
{Artful} I love you so natasha.. words cannot describe my feelings
* ^calli feels the tears begin to slide down her cheeks
{Artful} smiles warmly at HEAVY HAND and calli
{HeavyHand} takes calli’s face in his hands, and tastes her tears
and smiles happily
{HeavyHand} calli, I have to travel for a bit now…. you may stay
on the channel if you wish
{Artful} take care HEAVY HAND
{Artful} have a good one
{^calli} I must sleep if I am going to go to work tonight, Sir
{tchrspet} take care HEAVY HAND
{HeavyHand} calli, there are more than a few who would like to know
what the strokes are for
{HeavyHand} laughs and waves to all,
{HeavyHand} shakes Artfuls hand,
{natasha} sighs happily basking in her masters dominion
{HeavyHand} and kisses natasha on the cheek
{Solo-} later HEAVY HAND….
{HeavyHand} later all,
{Artful} Take care my friend
{Artful} have a good day
{HeavyHand} whispers to calli and heads out
{^flower} natasha….if I remember correctly you have a web page I
have visited, I wonder if you would share the URL
with me again so I may revisit
{Artful} http://www.cuffs.com
* ^flower smiles thank you Sir Arturo
{Artful} hi flower btw
{Artful} are you the same flower on EfNet?
* ^flower smiles hello Sir no Sir
{natasha} rises to leave
* ^flower giggles and states the obvious ‘looks like a split’
{Artful} bye all
{natasha} by all have a great day
{natasha} waits for her master
{Artful} later Kree

19 December 1994

The next night before going to sleep still rejoicing I write this note to you before I close my eyes to sleep…..

Master sitting here quietly thinking of you …. I have not written in my diary for a week …. the new channel and all the responsibility and time it took from us weighed heavily on me…. yesterday you allowed me to give the channel to my dear friend Master Kree who’s vision for a channel was very similar to ours….

A great weight has been lifted from me I rejoice ….and will once again bask in your Dominion unfettered…have time to write….and most of all have nothing that pulls me away from our glory….I adore you master …goodnight

Your slave natasha

In closing this chapter of our lives as I write these diary entries as a tribute to the Master you are …you took a great chance let me fly far and waited to see what my priorities were …were they the call of popularity … being loved by others or were they to serve and put you first the answer it seems is evident …as I wrote these and sent these last two days to you these are the words we spoke

{natasha}  Master … 2 more days … on their way
{Arturo-}  I adore you
{natasha}  do you like these entries
{Arturo-}  yes
{Arturo-}  very much
{natasha}  they tell a story may may miss
{natasha}  but I know and you know
{natasha}  I am your falcon and you are my falconer
{Arturo-}  I am your Master… your falconer
{Arturo-}  my baby is back
{Arturo-}  I am breathing easier – smiles
{natasha}  grins and grins and grins

18 December 1994

Oh this is going to be a short and sweet entry… I have calmly considered my options and still want to give the channel to a true and trusted friend who will nurture the channel…and continue with our vision.

I ask your permission to call Master Kree and ask him to take the channel over… You say yes… I make the call… we speak he makes sure this is my decision and that you agree and he says yes a weight is lifted from me.

We go to the channel take care of the legalities and the most amazing thing happens… my peace returns …. I can now put my Master first… I am filled at peace …

We have a quiet evening work on our web page … Make love … nothing pulling at us… My surrender so pure so sweet envelopes me fills me … I adore you Master

17 December 1994

Well the channel is coming along I am almost enjoying it but I miss you thinking calmly and realizing that I just must relax and enjoy it stop making myself nuts…But god I miss you Master sitting at your feet…working on the web page together… reaching out touching your thigh… the day stretches on….

I feel so lonely in this crowd I feel the loss of you…. perhaps if I could multitask better…Perhaps if I did not feel such an obligation to be a good hostess … Horrified I realize I am rambling not making sense speaking for the sake of speaking to stay awake … and I am aware I still can not surrender to you, my skin does not tingle, my mind is not at peace … I know you need me you want me alone…but I feel I must stay in the channel … make the channel a success… be a perfect hostess … The channel Is Becoming My Master…

I speak to you about it … You tell me quietly (though I am sure looking back you longed to pull me away back into your Dominion you did not you let your falcon choose her course ) You said “natasha just be sure you leave no ghosts behind …make sure this is what you want… be sure you are not leaving your dream behind”

I feel this is an important decision it is choice … once I walk away you will not give me the choice to do another channel of this magnitude once I walk that is it… We spoke of this before I started you said “I have concerns but I will not stand in the way of your dream … try this … you can walk away if it does not work for you and leave it in trusted hands.” Although you give me choices, once I make them, you expect me to live up to them wisely. You saw what would likely happen and left me an out… and I am taking it … I miss you too much…

16 December 1994

Well the channel is up and running people coming in it seems to be going well… but I hate it I am in a panic feeling the loss of our time working … laughing … loving together …. I am not liking this … all day long I am working my self up … horrified at what I have done… I disregarded my Masters needs for a channel a project…and now I feel stuck… surrender submission fade away and now I feel alone …floundering…seeing my Master across a channel unable to touch him like I want…unable to serve him like I am so used to… by night I have totally lost control …call my trusted friend Master Kree and say you have to take the channel or I am shutting it down…totally out of control both you and Master Kree telling me till I calm down no one is agreeing to anything …. slowly I regain some degree of control and realize I have made a commitment I must think calmly and rationally …. so I relent and decide to just enjoy the channel…stop thinking it has to be perfect …that I have to be perfect but I still desperately miss you Master and I can not slip into that place I dwell in with you …. the peaceful surrender….. I can not seem to bask in your Dominion…. I need sleep which I fight so hard because the days never have enough hours …. You quietly watch your falcon never calling her back but letting her decide her course … In looking back I know not many could have stood back and waited never trying to influence waiting to see….

15 December 1994

The channel opened so many friends stopped in …the channel will be successful I can see that… it was a wonderful and difficult day for me as i am sure it was for you… so many friends have helped so many wonderful people involved but I can already see it is not what I want nor need not good for us…I miss you… I feel the channel will become my Master and I will be it’s slave…

I feel concerns … watching knowing I want the channel to be more than a hi hello but also realizing that today that is all it can be today as friends come from all over to say hello… the pressure is mounting I realize I will have to put a great deal of time in here to guide the channel … do the discussions and also learn the technical end… added to that my job and other responsibilities…. then the web page and most of all my most important commitment to you my Master…. I am feeling frightened overwhelmed at the same time proud and pleased and touched at our friends love and dedication…

My commitment to you Master is I will not let the channel come between us disrupt our glory. I spoke those words with such conviction innocently thinking I could handle it all… only to discover I desperately missed our time together our privacy….Master I adore you….

14 December 1994

Dear Master … exhausted getting ready for our channel #theEdge to open you called me … we fell asleep the phone in our hands we slept that way all night waking whispering to one another and sinking back into slumber… finally dawn came and ….

I loved waking beside you Master this morning the phone in my hand we slept all night the sound of each others breathing in our ears I heard you whisper my name telling me to part my thighs as I woke … The Dream followed with out missing a beat into reality as I awoke…I bask in your Dominion …

submissively yours,
your slave natasha

Waking beside My Master

Drunk on the first light of morning
I open my eyes my Dream lies beside me
the memory is fresh he whispers part your thighs
my thighs open the glistening wetness revealed

Unwrapping me, ecstasies of wantonness
as he envelopes me in his Dominion
surrendering hungrily as he slides deep in me
Master and slave dream on….I adore you Master….

13 December 1994

Well Master you have given me the gift of the channel a project I have ached to do… a dream I longed to fulfill a place where people can go on IRC to have fun and enjoy conversing with others of like mind.

I know you were reticent to do it seeing it as a great commitment and possibly pulling us away from our path. For the first few months of our relationship you said no we need time… Then as the falconer sets his falcon free you let me fly… though this is on our web page and possibly in our diary I want to include it here again as is speaks of what you did so eloquently… You sent me off let me soar further from you than you ever have and waited to see what your falcon would do.

The Falconer
By TorqueDom
© Copyright 1994 – all rights reserved

Training begins with a wild bird on a tether. You teach it to fly, controlled, in a very confined area. You reward obedience with affection, and kindness, and an occasional treat. As the bird responds, the tether gets longer, the area of freedom expands, but remains under control. As trust and loyalty grows, so does the tether, and eventually, it is no longer neccessary. Replacing the tether is the voice command; strong, sure, and unyielding. When the response is positive, the voice softens, becomes pleasing. The bird responds.

Even the best trainer, with the best falcon, takes a shallow breath as the unfettered bird leaves his gloved arm, wondering as it flies away if it’s in it’s mind to return. You feel it *every time. Sometimes, it’s only a passing thought, relatively sure you’ve done your job well, and have your bird’s loyalty, and confidence. The bird goes thru it’s paces, as instructed, as planned. You think that you’ve provided an atmosphere that will make the creature WANT to return, even if it doesn’t have to. You’ve conditioned it, thru love, and caring, that being on your arm is a better place to be than free, and defenseless, and on it’s own. You think all this for just a moment, and you breathe again.

Then, just once in awhile, the creature doesnt make the turn. It has traveled just a little farther, a little faster than usual. You wonder if it has decided that the lure of the unknown, the things not yet experienced, the call of the wild, may be just a bit stronger than your training, and it’s loyalty. You see it looking towards the mountain, flying towards it, mesmerized by it. You know you can use your call, a verbal signal that would break the animal’s concentration, train of thought. The sound would illicit an immediate response, you know, as it has so many times before. But this time, this one time, you see something different in the way the bird is flying. Stronger, straighter, with a purpose. Is it merely stretching it’s wings, exploring it’s boundaries, curious as to the world it is in? Or has it decided to explore a new world, an untethered one. You could call…. but you don’t. You decide, in that instant, to allow the creature it’s freedom, it’s choice. Somehow, you know it needs to make it, it needs to know for itself where it belongs. So you hold your voice, and your breath, and your heart, and you wait. And suddenly… it turns. It’s flight back to you is straighter, faster than usual. And you breath again, and feel pride, for this mighty creature is here because it wants to be, not because it was trained to be.

My falcon; I love you, and trust you, and am comfortable with you, albeit sometimes from the edge of my seat. 😉

And Master I know what it took for you to set me free to send me off to chase a dream …to share me to the point we had little time together …Master Thank you for all that you are I adore you …and will listen more closely …

12 December 1994

I am 10 days behind in my diary a first for me. I have been extremely busy and preoccupied but it has troubles me greatly to have not kept up my writings. I am committed to catching up today and filling in the blanks so to speak. So much has happened in the last eleven days that back tracking through our conversations and special moments will take some work.

I will attempt in the next entries to track the gift of the channel the start of the channel and the realization that my Master in his wisdom gave me many things…. The choice to see if what I percieved as a dream was still valid for me…. The choice of seeing and setting my priorities… Never once did you try to change my mind but held me up as I took on this new venture at times at great cost to you… Master I adore you

One thing I discovered that although my total immersion in my surrender is strong and guides my every thought … it is subject to external forces to a greater degree than I thought and anticipated. I often speak of surrender as being a state of mind…I was almost starting to believe it was an absolute unwavering unshakable except for a few momentary lapses…

I have learned that my surrender needs to be nurtured to be focused on or I can slip out of the mode to a degree… It frightens me when my surrender is just out of my reach when I realize I am no longer putting my Master first but letting external matters interfere with what is most important to me .. my Master and our glorious love and commitment.

11 December 1994

How I long to spend the evening with you in quiet surrender but this flu wracked body will not co-operate. I love being unwrapped by you Master unfolding… consumed by you…but tonight I bid you good night and kiss you softly…..Sleep is needed to heal your treasure I adore you and will ache for your touch

your slave natasha

10 December 1994 – Pt. 2

Master ~Patience~ has a meaning for you and I that I can only begin to touch on here…it is gentle supplication it is your firm loving guidance it is the growth we experirnce daily that unfolds as we walk along our path… It is the seemingly endless year till we can awaken entwined… It is the moments we are apart and I yearn for you…It is me sitting at your feet as you work…it is you stroking my hair while I work…Master Patience is me kneeling before you as you watch me endlessly…Patience is waiting for you to return to me tonight…I will miss you today Master… As I await your return… I will kneel and watch the horizon till I see you in my minds eye….have a good day my Master….


Kneeling hands on her thighs looking up
She yearns to reach out and touch his hand
To cry out for him in endless screams
Patience the time will come

The darkness within her has grown so dim
The Light of the love in her Master’s eyes
Is the spark  that heats her burning sex
Patience  the time will come

The horizon at times stretches out endlessly
The slave look looking out seeing the vast distance
The Master watching quietly…understanding … whispers
Patience the time will come

Master and Slave alone with their love
Burning souls lighting the horizons
The souls comprehend what the mind denies
Patience the time will come

One soft caressing phrase followed
By the scream of the whip upon the flesh
Master and slave … two become one
The Time has come….

Master I adore you

your slave,

10 December 1994

Dear Master,

I went to sleep last night speaking to you one the phone. I was aware of waking every once in a while and reaching for you ….hearing your soft breathing, telling you I loved you, you whispering tender endearences… soft words that I could barely understand but meant the world.

It has been a rough week for us my surrender slipping just out of my reach at times leaving me feeling alone and lost. It amazes me that something so deep …so gripping can fade… I suppose it is normal… I wonder though will this be forever…will I have to deal with slipping in and out or is it part of the journey that at some point will no longer occur…

I do know that when you relax your grip I still slip… my surrender is still so dependent your constant Mastery…is that forever Master or will I one day just slip into that peaceful place to never leave it again …I wonder …

Is it one of the issues we have to face as long as our relationship is long distance.

Now again my soul is enveloped in that place I so often dwell with you… You being my focus the rest of the world in descending order of importance.

The dance continues the music sweet the rhythm captivating…I am your captive your slave ….and live in delighted contentment..

Your Forever Slave


9 December 1994

Not a moment passes where you dont live inside me.. you permeate my soul.
I drifted off to sleep last night with you in my heart..

Your image in my mind
Your voice in my ears
Your giggling laughter carressing me
Your hands upon my face
Your gaze locked upon me

I dreamed of you last night natasha.. it was a lovely dream. sexual of course.. but more dominating .. I was taking you .. you were on your back.. I was binding you.. your knees in the air.. must have been that picture I mailed you just before you went to bed.. smiling

I awoke.. my first thought was of you.. of course.. hoping by some chance to see you.. I had to settle for a picture in my mind.. you lying peaceful in bed.. ribs rising and falling … a shallow breath.. praying your sleep was not too fitful.

It was early.. about half past six.. I took a walk … with sparky.. for a while thinking how much I am going to miss him when *she* leaves permanently in January… I trained him from a puppy.. it will be very hard…

We walked however.. there was a thin layer of ice on everything.. you could see our breath come out as steam. The air was so crisp fresh and clean.. reminding me of how you make me feel when I see you each day.. when I hear your voice.. We walked near the woods .. and I sat for a while on a log.. the quiet peace surrounding me.. again .. thinking of you.. with a soft smile on my face. Thinking of how tumultuous our fiery passion can be at times.. yet through it all I so clearly love you.. god my feelings run deep for you.. I hope you know that.. I hope it makes you happy..

We had words last night… saying things we did not mean. the thought of not owning you is so foreign to me.. I am so committed to you natasha.. it amazes me..

Through thick.. through thin.. we have little thin in our lives.. (laffing.. its all pretty damn thick if you ask me) I am here for you.. I smile knowing that last night you wish I was here here somewhat differently.. not to minimize it.. yet not to give it more than its due..

Yes.. your Master does dumb things sometimes (as does the slave, smiling) .. but.. I am still your Master.. I still own each inch of your beautiful flesh.. as well as each inch you deem less than beautiful.. I say it is *all* beautiful.. I am the Master..and its my say (smiles). It houses the one in a million soul.. the soul I also own.. I soul I am deeply in love with and that is a wonderous thing..

When i see you today .. I expect to you to take your place at my side.. we need not speak of last night unless you want.. what you said i have erased.. (not something I will often do) – I hope you can do the same..

I know I am rambling some.. but I am filled with you.. and it feels like i am touching you with each letter I type.. and I dont want to take my hands off you.. pausing .. closing my eyes.. seeing you.. smiling …

I am leaving for an hour or so.. going for breakfast… something I long to do with you.. I dont know when you will get up.. or get on-line when you do.. Just know how much I love you.. how I am always with you..

I adore you my princess.. smiling

Your forever Master