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19 November 1994

 

Master I am laughing … this diary has revealed us so completely ..it is a catch 22 because in essence it is written for us and that is what guides me…but it also is read by many people and I am aware that within this lifestyles there are different intensities …strong opinions to right and wrong … what is over the line for some is mild for others…but I feel I can not bow to that and continue to submit to you those logs which I feel we can look back on and see our progression our growth…we are so intimate …so close… you have stripped me of much shame … you have pushed me and pulled me and guided me from our first encounter… I have burst out of inhibitions and into a freedom that allows me to soar… to explore…I often went out side my self for the truth you have showed me in so many ways my quest is within me within us…words easily said but to take someone to that place is another thing completely. You always ask me how I feel and then use that knowledge to spur me on..your focus is incredible… You are a Master among Masters…. this short humorous exchange came as you read tomorrow’s diary entry…laughing I adore you Master I will turn the music up the dance continues….

{Artful} I’m reading it over again.. and yes.  its RAW..
{Artful} smiles
{Artful} goddddddd
{Artful} I love that
{Artful} Geezeeee its raw – smiling
{natasha} can we put it in the diary or is it to revealing
{Artful} awwwwwww
{Artful} what the hell
{Artful} lets just ram it in there
{Artful} savagely thrust it into the diary
{Artful} bang it into the html …
{Artful} over.. and over again..
{natasha} howling with laughter oh god…
{Artful} till its properly formatted.. and released to the public
{natasha} roarrrrrrrrr
{natasha} Master if you feel uncomfortable I understand
{natasha} the fact that you read it is enough for me
{Artful} did you enjoy your pain last night my natasha
{natasha} yes Master it centered me again you always center me pull me
back … I am your?s

18 November 1994

Now for some quick clues to whether a Dom is worth talking to:

If he does not talk about sex in the first few minutes.

If he shares some of himself with you and not just gives you orders or questions.

If he does not ask what you are wearing in the first few minutes.

If he does inquire politely if you have a Top, master, or belong to someone. He needs to know if he should get permission from your Master to even talk to you. A courtesy that cyber-idiots don’t understand.

If he asks about other topics of interest. Other than BDSM it is a big world out there.

If he asks what you are interested in. Is he is a good listener. Every good top I ever met could listen.

If he is sure of himself without being judgmental.

Has he read any books on BDSM

Leonard thank you for this post…it seems to be an issue we all deal with when we endeavor to make friendships through electronic communication…

I think most people are worth speaking to each person is a gift though some make finding their worth too much trouble to find….I would like to add a couple of thoughts to this…

Once you have determined if a person is someone you want to share your most precious commodity with your time there are some more things I feel are important.

Because electronic communication enables many to talk the talk…even if they can not walk the walk… People leave clues of who they are… Listen carefully, watch for contradictions.

Are you looking for a friend … Someone to laugh with grow with no intent of a D/s relationship…If that is the scope of your interests as it is with me since I committed to Artful. Then just the pleasure of their company is sufficient… and a mutual respect.

This can be broken down further of course are you looking for someone to just scene with or a relationship that is full circle… I am going to comment on full circle relationships at this point.

If you are speaking to a Dominant and looking to develop a relationship dig deep as you begin on the path…could this person be your friend if he/she was not going to be your dominant.

Do you want to meet real life or cyber this is a big question to be answered most honestly and what is your envisioned time table … I believe in an extended period of time just for safety reasons… People leave clues no matter what they say if you listen and observe much can be seen between the lines.

Would you have fun out of a D/s context i.e.: going for a walk on the beach climbing a mountain, going to the symphony, cooking a meal together, sitting side by side reading a book or poetry together, playing cards.

Are your D/s interest similar do you both like the same kind of play…If you need heavy Domination and the top you are speaking with is not really into control likes maybe a little bondage and spanking but is not interested in heavy control you will be frustrated and if the opposite is true you will have a hard time fulfilling his needs. ( I am going to use him and dominant it is inclusive of Dommes as well)

Are your fantasies pleasing to the top are his fantasies pleasing to you.

Does he mirror your words or disagree with you or explain perhaps another way to look at what you are saying. This is important very very important …remember talking the talk is easy walking the walk means the thoughts are yours not a rewording of what has been said by you or others but his beliefs.) Is he willing to discuss and negotiate but not willing to adjust his whole way of being for you…

As the relationship develops and you test him does he adjust for you become the Dominant he thinks you want or protect what you have ( a D/s relationship) by staying in control at the risk of losing you does he stay true to himself.

Is he honorable? If he is a friend and you are speaking to him of troubles with your Dominant …does he influence you for his own gain?

Does he respect you tell you of your worth…or tear you down without rebuilding you.

Are your beliefs in multiple relationships or monogamy in tune. If you feel sharing your Dominant is something you would not like and the Dominant has 2 slaves already …. why continue or hope you can change this… multiple relationships take a great deal of forethought, maturity, openness and care if you feel you could not handle it, it would cause you pain it is something to think about… Also some people who are capable of multiple relationships do not want to concentrate any energy on anything but one relationship.

Can you surrender to him …submit…do you trust him to take you further but no further than you can go and stay mentally healthy?

Are there more things you agree on than disagree…

Is he open… tell you his name … a way to reach him …. can this information be verified…if he doesn’t or will not why, what is his reason is it valid i.e. he needs to know you better have more trust… you should most likely be as guarded with information as he is.

These are but a few of the things that come to mind I could write a book on this subject…

As you move on and he becomes part of your life… before he becomes your `Master`

If this dominant asked you for your thought at any given moment could you give it to him… do you have that level of trust and honesty to tell him your feelings… Can you take him to your darkest corners, your fears, your joys, your tears, your quiet moments with equal honesty.

Does he hold you up… reveal yourself to you by stretching your horizons , push you, cherish you as you cherish him.

And most of all can you say to yourself I am being totally honest with this Dominant there is nothing I hold back… The Dominant can only be as good as the submissive ….you are a team….

I can not close this without saying to my Master Artful you are all this and more you are in my every thought ….you inspire me and guide me at every moment as I wrote this I kept thinking I can not wait to meet you on line… I wrote this for you Master as I do everything I do with you in my mind…In all truth this post could of been book length because it reflects our Life together… It reflects some of the qualities that make me your submissive but only a few….I adore you natasha

17 November 1994

My Master My Heart:

This letter which is will be short not long flowing or eloquent is simply to say I love you I live to serve you and please you.

I want to thank you for the time, the patience, your love, your never failing Dominion that has enabled me to reach deep to my core, to my shame, to raw joy.

Thank you for enabling me to find freedom in the bonds of my slavery. A freedom I could only guess imagine… a joy I could only know might exist…

Your adoring slave natasha

16 November 1994

Master I loved this exchange between us …I kept splitting away (splitting is a term used on irc to denote being separated for a time by the connection on the net) and coming back to finds words to treasure from you…In particular the words at the end of this log move me I read them over and over…You teach me so much with strength, humility, and laughter Master I adore you …The dance continues…

{Artful}  I’m here and I’m deeply in love  with a  slave
{Artful}  named natasha… natasha the lioness
{natasha}  laughing  and smiling I roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
{natasha}  Life is a dance….A Dance of words and feelings… Our
dance continues
{Artful}  you are my Stradivarius ..
{Artful}  a priceless violin..
{Artful}  and I stretch your strings so tight..
{Artful}  tune you to perfection..
{natasha}  grins I am your toy
{Artful}  care for your rare wood..
{natasha}  I am what ever you wish me to be
{natasha}  because I am yours
{Artful}  I play you..
{Artful}  make you sing..
{Artful}  dance a pizzicato on you
{Artful}  as I run my fingers up your neck
{Artful}  and slide my bow across your tightly stretched strings..
{Artful}  be right back my agape slave
{natasha}  I will await your return I am filled with thoughts of you
{Artful}  oh god how you leave me thunderstruck.. each moment I
think of you
{Artful}  you are my perfection
{Artful}  you are my completion..
{Artful}  my finishing touch
{Artful}  and I am your rock..
{Artful}  your cornerstone..
{Artful}  your eternal foundation
{Artful}  I adore you my natasha..
{Artful}  oh god how my heart sings
{natasha}  grins listening bathed in her Masters words…at times you
render me speechless
{natasha}  I am back I am sorry I had to do a couple of things the
door bell rang the phone all at once
{Artful}  I’m back
{natasha}  oh perfect timing
{Artful}  our timing is almost always perfect
{natasha}  laughing out loud yes I misbehave and you punish me
immediately …perfect timing
{natasha}  laughing
{natasha}  I lust for you and you take me immediately yes perfect
{Artful}  smiles
{Artful}  god I want you
{Artful}  I throb and pulsate for you
{Artful}  I ache for you
{natasha}  I desire to sit quietly by your feet …. perfect
{natasha}  you call to me I come
{natasha}  yes perfect
{natasha}  you need me I am there… yes perfect
{Artful}  my cock thickens.. and my balls are heavy for you
{Artful}  you lay your self open….
{natasha}  responds perfectly by becoming wet
{natasha}  smiling
{Artful}  avail yourself totally… limitless… total trust
{Artful}  like that of a child..
{natasha}  yes Master the only limits are those you deem we should
have
{Artful}  yet the strength and wisdom of a woman
{natasha}  I trust you completely
{Artful}  the beauty of a goddess
{natasha}  oh Master we had the same thought again on boundaries
{Artful}  we are the same soul
{Artful}  so our minds are always touching
{Artful}  thoughts mixing
{natasha}  Master it is good we found each other laughing since you
and I might be the only two in this world that know the
other is perfect
{Artful}  just as I fill you with my body fluids
{natasha}  laughing gaily
{Artful}  I also fill you with my thoughts
{Artful}  you fill me with your typos
{natasha}  laughing… all those things you fill me with no wonder I
over flow
{Artful}  a more perfect love cannot exist
{natasha}  yes it can Master
{natasha}  know what it is?
{Artful}  a more perfect union.. there cannot be
{Artful}  when we are together of course
{Artful}  but there is no time..
{Artful}  we are perfect in this moment..
{natasha}  The more perfect love is the love we have tomorrow and
tomorrow’s tomorrow because it just continues to grow
{Artful}  that is our journey natasha..
{natasha}  Yes Master it is
{Artful}  it will feel more fulfilling and more intense..
{Artful}  but it will be no more perfect than it is at this moment..
{Artful}  we are at exactly the mile marker where we are supposed to
be
{Artful}  for this moment
{natasha}  The path the screamed within me to be walked on the path
you have taken us to
{Artful}  forever growing.. adventure after adventure… always
knowing where home is.. always trusting…forgiving each
others frailties..  taking joy in each others shame… for
it is that humanness that makes us who we are  our
frailties are themselves .. perfection…for frail humans
is who we are we are perfect.. you reach deep into me..
give me your surrender..  I reach into you.  and take your
power…we cannot avoid also reaching our perfect
frailties…so we rejoice.. in acceptance.. and
understanding of the truth of who we are.. we were made
like gods.. but in fact we are human…. yet you worship me
as your Master… as your head.. and I worship you as my
body the body must surrender to the head..  but if the head
damages the body.. he himself is also damaged one cannot
exist with out the other..  they serve one another.. each
in their own way… in humility there is power.. in
surrender there is victory…in death (to the old self)
there is ever lasting life..it is the spiritual paradox..
the essence of the exchange of power … I cannot say why
it works…I only know that it does..  and this truth is
mirrored all around us in nature ..  if we have eyes to see
it
{Artful}  god how I adore you my slave
{Artful}  my sweet surrender
{Artful}  my perpetual miracle
{natasha}  Master I saw your words rejoiced in them but was frozen in
net space…. and returned to your arms knowing a bit more
than before I left them …as always … I adore you
{Artful}  I was dumping my soul..
{Artful}  I hope they made sense to you
{Artful}  my fingers wouldn’t stop
{natasha}  absolutely
{Artful}  smile

15 November 1994

As the days go on and the time still streches before us till the day we meet
I reflect on our method of communication ….
how we manage to live bathed in reality in a what is for some a very unreal world…
I want to say that this is based on HONESTY and the fact that we do very many real life projects together meeting schedules having pressures…
And spend alot of time together many times alone seldom on channels except to go visit here and there.
I would also like to note we do not sleep much …. laughing …
What lay in bed no my Master is waiting we both long to awaken in each others arms….

{natasha} Master may I ask you a favor
{Arturo} Of course
{natasha} can you send me logs of our last 4 days
{Arturo} ok
{natasha} so I can make some diary enties
{Arturo} sure
{Arturo} want them now?
{natasha} yes please
{Arturo} I can dig them up
{Arturo} brb
{Arturo} beep if you need me

My sweet Master never leaving my side with out making sure I can find him a available to me as I am to him standing close to me as he punishes me almost as if to absorb my pain god how I adore him
I love writing my thoughts the moment we part company I am always so filled overflowing.
The sweet power of his love always enveloping me every breath…
I know many can not understand his ownership that to date has been communicated virtually through or phone with my hands being his….
and at times I feel compelled to explain and not to excuse it but to communicate…
get rid of preconcieved ideas…
In truth the ownership has nothing to do with the method we communicate…
It is with me every moment …every breath.
More and more everyday…
when I releive my self in the restroom…
when I eat…
when I wash…
as I dress or undress
I speak his name when I cross a street
I think I must be careful
My Master would suffer so if his treaure was injured.
It is a feeling I can not describe…
I can try to explain it
but how can I truely convey the electricty that courses through me
the feeling the top of my head is leaving me
It envelopes my life
It protects me and makes me ache so many times when we are on the phone and he has me whip myself …
be his hands it is hard to hurt myself and I long for the time I can sink into it.
To be on the edge not knowing what is coming…
But for now this is our world 2 to 4 hours a day on the phone and hours here via irc….
But it does not deminish my surrender or his ownership only limits our ability to revel in it.

{Arturo} I have mailed you logs
{natasha} My friend Lucasta who is both a real time and has
been a long distance submissive a brilliant woman a
says when people as her can you sevrve and
surrender long distance says… “WELL CAN YOU”…
My answer is yes….I can it is so deep so gripping my
life is changed beyond belief.
{Arturo} I waited because i did not want to interupt your trend of
thought overcome by your words of honor for your Master
{natasha} hello Master …..Thank you

14 November 1994

Our life has a quiet elegance…
when we are alone
there is a opulance
That permeates our life

It is as if we were living in a poem
A great work of Art
Whether we are in our animal state
or quietly working side by side

There is an aura of magic
A charmed life…of eloquence
warm fires…lovely aromas…gentle music…singing our orgasms
the sound of a whip..love …soft light…good food

Master I adore you
I am so filled with you my fingers spill across the keys
as the words pour out of me
I feel i will burst

I adore you as always Master

13 November 1994

I adore you my Master may we find madness together
As we escape from sanity into bliss…
As we explore our soul and…
Scream into the winds our scream carried unseen
But heard throughout our universe
Looking inward to the truth
To our release
To truth

I am yours in the most simple of ways for eternity
nothing complicated…I gave you all that I am
And all that I will be
I find such simplicity in that concept
I live to please you…To thrill you
You come first and I am always cared for

I ponder sometimes what once seemed…… so hard
has just become what is

I adore you Master
natasha

12 November 1994

Master I explode with you….
be it a tender gentle moment….
or when I scream the echos of my pain …
Every thought every moment is for you…
you have taken me to the edge nudged me over
and caught me before I hit the ground…
My devotion has no limits…
The exchange of power complete a circle…
I see no beginning no end…
a circle of light woven with darkness…
our fire shines bright ….

The mind often comprehends
but experience denies the path we are to take..
You have taken my hand …
and shown me to the path …
the path inside that screamed to be walked on…
the path that is now ours…

Thank you Master for all that you are
and all you help me to be….
You hold me up …
The true measure of loving…
is to love without measure…
The true measure of love is to love with out limits…
our love is a dark world bathed in sun…

Life is a dance….
A Dance of words and feelings…
Our dance continues

11 November 1994

The slave the Master

The slave the Master
Our love is power
the exchange is full circle
our symbosity is ecstasy
the edge is our home
our intimacy is boundless
we have but a single soul
we are but a single flame
a flickering dance
to illuminate the darkness
until the end of time

I adore you my natasha
Your Forever Master
Artfu?l

10 November 1994

The Master the slave

The Master the slave
opposites twined into one
my eyes are exaltation
Of my devotion to you
My Freedom is my Bonds
The Dance Continues
an unrestrained expression
I savor you
I exist through you
savor me, exist through me
I am your forever slave

I adore you
natasha

09 November 1994

Master, Thank you for your love… I give you all that I am …. all that I will ever become with out limit… You give me all that I need …. you fill me so full at times I think I will burst….Master thank you for this poem…

———————
yours, yours and you
———————

your light is the sunrise in the dawn of my life
your joy is my barefoot dance along the shore
your love is the womb that bathes me
your passion is the fever that warms my bones
your laughter is my vaccine from the world’s sorrow
your dance is the rhythm that sets the beat of my heart
your whimpers are the bird song along my walk in the woods
your moans are the music that seduce my soul
your screams ring in the birth of my climactic release
your pain is my contrast, my ecstatic yang
your surrender is the food that satiates my hunger
your tears are the rain that cleanse my shame

and you natasha, are the angel to guide my rapture

Master I just recieved your poem Thank You..

We will dance barefoot along the shore at sunrise….
and make passionate love exploding…
laughing… whimpering… moaning… screaming…
the sound of our souls shattering the early morning stillness…
Our rapture will resound through the universe….
I adore you,

your slave natasha…..

08 November 1994

And dominate me you do Master… I love your heavy domination your foot on my neck is a comfort.. many might not understand our way and find it cruel or feel it is excessive… it is our way consensual… Our scenes rock me I try to mimic all you say real life as much as I can . I Kneel real life try to make everything as real as possible… We understand our limitations…

Can you surrender via IRC well as my friend Lucasta said Can you?

I know you permeate my every moment my thoughts. You are constantly my companion … I was bucking my seat belt the other day and I thought I am protecting my Masters treasure. Do you own real life … yes … we have logistics to work out unfortunately and I thank you for your patience and understanding… we will have to be satisfied with a few meetings and then hopefully toward the 24/7 you so deeply want and need as I do…

{`natasha} raises her face from your feet and smiles at you
{Artful} places his foot on your neck as he continues his phone call
{`natasha} waits  as she is pressed back down
{Artful} pressing your lovely cheek into the floor
{Artful} feeling you bend under my weight
{Artful} and strain with the pressure
{Artful} brb
{`natasha} whimpers calling to you… Calling to your Dominance
{Artful} reaches down and inserts a thumb into your anus…and
middle finger into your pussy and lifts your bottom off the
ground
{`natasha} oh godddddddddddddd feeling you enter me … the heat …
the fire
{Artful} squeezes his thumb and finger together..
{`natasha} my body trembles and I cry out Master I adore you
{Artful} feeling them touch with only a thin membrane in-between them
{`natasha} your fingers filling comforting the pain my solace
{`natasha} My eyes fill with tears
{Artful} straining and stretching your tissue as he lifts your bottom
yet higher
{`natasha} grasping your legs to relieve the pressure ….. my moans an
erotic cry
{`natasha} the spasms rock my soul… my body your toy
{Artful} continues to lift you.. upending you.. to almost a
head stand.. your weight resting on your neck and
shoulders.. your legs in the air
{`natasha} oh god Master … the blood goes to my head…my body heats
freezes in place feeling the pain shoot all the way through
her squeals in pain
{`natasha} shaking weakness comes over me …something softens within
me completely… I am lost in our need I gasp as the pleasure
between my legs washes through me mounting… gripping unable
to move in your grip
{Artful} squats … cock pressed against your back.. knees to
either side of you..
{`natasha} fingers digging into the floor
{`natasha} feeling your warmth surround me I cry out again, this time
feeling more desire than pain.
{Artful} removes his fingers from your orifices..  and places his
mouth on your waiting pussy..
{`natasha} lifts to you
{Artful} gobbling up your nectar and your tender pink flesh
{`natasha} reaches for the caress of your mouth
{`natasha} heart pounding … senses reeling
{Artful} chin resting on your anus..  his five o-clock shadow
scraping the tender skin…
{`natasha} writhes oh Masterrrrrrrr I feel my pussy tightening
wanting you
{`natasha} my sex hungry, wet, aching, exposed …yours
{Artful} as he eats your throbbing pussy
{Artful} tongue probing deep..
{Artful} teeth around your clit.. chewing it
{Artful} sucking it
{`natasha} moans crying out your name as I feel your mouth press into
me
{Artful} digging his chin into your anus
{`natasha} it sends shocks of delight through my body quivers quivers
and then relaxes a bit I utter a long groannnnnnnnnnnnnnn
{Artful} reaching around to pull your nipples with his fingers
{`natasha} The wave of need overtaking
{`natasha} Groans  again crying out your name …totally lost in the
sensations
{Artful} feeling your thighs around his ears
{`natasha} bites her lower lip hard drawing blood
{Artful} pinching and twisting your nipples….
{`natasha} my breathing  becoming more rapid helpless prisoner to you
and our lust
{`natasha} nipples searing hot feeling the heat of your touch
{Artful} savagely sucking your pussy…..
{`natasha} oh god Master I need to cum teeth nipping and biting  tongue
caressing you quickly bring me to the brink of insanity. I am quivering
with desire.
{`natasha} keeps her eyes closed as the waves grip her
{`natasha} a single drop of blood falls and sides to my eye the warmth
slowly moving up  my face
{Artful} biting.  pulling and eating
{`natasha} shooting flames spasms grip my body oh fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
{`natasha} may I cum pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
{Artful} lifts his face long enough..
{Artful} to say
{`natasha} wanting relief from the throbbing in her core
{Artful} give it to me my darling
{`natasha} Oh master yesssssssssssssssssssssssss I am totally seduced
by the power you wield, I have no choice but to submit as
often as you command.
{Artful} give your Master what is already his
{Artful} explode for me natasha
{Artful} explode in my mouth
{`natasha} shaken to the core muscles screaming for release oh
yesssssssssssssssssssssss
{Artful} continues to pull on your nipples..
{Artful} painfully twisting them
{`natasha} this need that rips through
{`natasha} pain becomes pleasureeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
{Artful} bares down on your anus with his chin..
{Artful} his stubble scratching you like sandpaper
{Artful} teeth tight around your clit
{`natasha} writhing head rolling side to side body arching screaming in
ecstasy oh fuck
{Artful} biting and sucking it
{Artful} pulling it. .
{Artful} like an animal eating a fresh kill
{`natasha} growls deep in her throat and raises her hips to you wanting
you deeper as she peeks
{`natasha} yes
{`natasha} yes
{`natasha} yes
{Artful} face covered in juice
{Artful} wild eyed..
{Artful} reality abandoned
{Artful} twisting and pulling ..
{Artful} painfully biting..
{Artful} teeth pulling at your flesh
{`natasha} body ridged orgasm ripping through My body tenses and rises
even more oh godddddddddddddddddddddddd I overflow
explode shake start to sob and go limp
{Artful} burning…
{`natasha} crying….saying Master hold me
{Artful} searing pain as I consume your pussy
{Artful} lifts his face..
{Artful} and sits back.. allowing you to fall on his lap.. legs
around him..
{`natasha} begins to fall into oblivion
{Artful} and pulls your torso up by your arms
{Artful} pulling your face to his..
{`natasha} kisses your lips
{Artful} holding you .. gripping you
{`natasha} Master I adore you
{Artful} kissing you..
{Artful} his face covered in your sweet juice
{`natasha} tasting my nectar on your lips
{`natasha} I fall against you like a rag doll
{`natasha} shaken
{`natasha} my world rock
{Artful} leans back..
{`natasha} my body burning
{Artful} closing his eyes..
{Artful} feeling you pressed against him
{`natasha} I lay against you
{Artful} melting into him
{Artful} an indescribable love and bond between them
{Artful} a magical energy
{Artful} a soul bond..
{Artful} intertwined spirits
{`natasha} still trembling lays against you
{Artful} slowly looks up into your eyes..
{Artful} and smiles…
{Artful} sparkling his love for you
`natasha looks up at you and whispers
{Artful} gently touches your nose with his
{`natasha} I sink into your gaze Master….my tears my joy reflected in
your eyes we are complete
{`natasha} God I love you
{Artful} sweetly licks your lips…
{Artful} and smiles..
{Artful} you give me all I need natasha
{Artful} I adore you..
{Artful} with each fiber of my being
{`natasha} smiles
{`natasha} starts to return
{`natasha} comes back
{`natasha} smiles at peace in her surrender
{Artful} so at peace
{Artful} so in love
{Artful} so filled
{`natasha} yes
{`natasha} I am almost speechless
{Artful} do you *really* think you could lose your passion my darling
{Artful} smiles
{`natasha} grins… I worry about it sometimes I have always been
rather wild now I am so tame but I understand the difference now
{`natasha} no I have lost the unquenchable hunger the thirst that was
never satisfied
{Artful} oh how I adore you
{Artful} and I promise you my dear..
{Artful} I will always make sure you are at least a little hungry
{Artful} smiles
{`natasha} grins
{`natasha} I hunger for you
{Artful} a hungry slave is a good thing
{`natasha} I do not hunger for what can not be fed
{Artful} raises his hand and swats your tush for not opping him
{`natasha} ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh Master
{Artful} smiles..
{Artful} I adore you sweet thing..
{Artful} my hand prints will be all over you
{Artful} smile

07 November 1994

So many times I am filled with you to overflowing you appear and it spills out like fountain and you respond to my call as I respond to your Domination…. you surrender to my submission by Dominating me completely…… I surrender to your Dominion mind … body… soul

{natasha}  Our Power exchange is a circle Master
{natasha}  Sinking into your gaze
{Artful}  Her surrender split my soul in two, the darkness of my
heart blazed through.  My fire stung her quivered
thighs, as love broke through her pleading eyes.)
{natasha}  My tears reflected in your eyes.
{Artful}  oh god
{natasha}  A kalidiscope of my pain
{Artful}  your sweet sobs sing to my soul
{natasha}  calling to you with my whimpers caressing your ears with
my moans
{natasha}  My secret places wet
{Artful}  my hands play you .. like a symphony of passion and pain
{natasha}  The moisture becomes the circle of our passion
{natasha}  calling to you with my whimpers Master caressing your
ears with my moans I am ignited with your fire
{Artful}  keeping rhythem with the percussion of my whip
{natasha}  the fire of the whip that dances on my flesh
{Artful}  god how I adore you my natasha
{natasha}  You stand before me
{Artful}  my passion mate.. my soul mate
{natasha}  envelope me with your Domination
{natasha}  I place my lips to your feet
{Artful}  my partner in joy and laughter..
{natasha}  calling to you with my whimpers
{Artful}  stands tall before you
{natasha}  caressing your ears with the sounds of my surrender the
circle is complete
{natasha}  I am here to serve you Master
{Artful}  and I am here to dominate you

Tomorrows log is a nice scene in which your dominance takes me hard fast and I love it … not to different from the first day we met and every day since then…The Dance continues … I adore you Master

6 November 1994

Master I am catching up on our diary as you know due to the discussions and then a need to thank all our friends that helped and then time to play and rest I got behind..further than I ever have before but it allows me to follow a trend to reflect on how we got to where we are.

Last, night we were visiting new friends… and the question was asked … What expectations should a submissive have of a Dom. This conversation ensued. I did remove all irrelevant conversation that does not pertain to the subject too shorten the log.

I would also like to say sassy girl paid me a great honor saying ~I seemed to have it all~ though sassygirls words honor me and I respect and took an instant liking to her …I do want to say two things I do not have it all I have you Master as my mentor, my guide, my lover, my friend, my Master, my Dark Prince… I am but a woman like any other I cry, I laugh, I fail, I suceed, I am wise at times incredibly stupid and blind at others.

There is danger in assuming our way is the correct way for anyone but us…and even as it pertains to us it is only valid now…we do not know where tomorrow will bring us…how we live our life now, might not work for us tomorrow…I never want to be an example for others… Or to be set up as a ~model~ Master and slave couple… we have our way and it is our way… it might not work for others… We are not authorities for any others but ourselves.

{sassy`grl} y’all missed a great discussion tonight…
{Artful} ohhh missed it huh..
{sassy`grl} well we could continue….
`natasha smiles what a shame
{sassy`grl} started off about what subs look for in a Dom/me but
evolved into a discussion about the fallibility of
Doms :)
{|Knite|} …counting number of doms here to help Me
{sassy`grl} Artful Sir.. you have some input here??
{Artful} the consummate fallible Dom
`natasha smiles it is sometimes expected the Dominants not be human
{sassy`grl} please Sir.. would love to hear about it *grin*
{ladyrose} this is true Artful Sir, your very wise
{|Knite|} we are human too
{sassy`grl} yes I agree Doms are human… but it is difficult not
to put you up on a pedestal
{Dagon } is a god in his dreams only hehe
{Artful} its important that a submissive make it ‘safe’ for a Dom to be
open with his humanness
`natasha smiles speaking softly I have strong feelings about this
subject
{Artful} just as it is for the Dom to make it safe for the submissive
sassy`grl smiles.. and sits quietly… wanting to hear what y’all
have to say
{`natasha} Master I trust you completely if I do not understand your
reasons they unfold in time I have no expectations only trust
when I put you first my needs are always cared for thus it is seldom
an issue for me
sassy`grl smiles… natasha you seem to have it all .. that is so
wonderful
{Artful} when I am wrong.. ( an all too common occurrence ) I am quick
to admit it
{Artful} most of the time
{|Knite|} thinking about my knitely mistakes…shhhhhhhhhs
rose…don’t say it
{`natasha} sassy I have found my submission in Arturo he is the one
who enables me
Artful slides to the floor behind natasha.. legs to either side of
her.. arms wrapped around her and clasped on her belly ..
chin resting on her shoulder
{`natasha} sassy it is the trust if there is trust there is no need
for expectation does that make sense
{sassy`grl} natasha… isn’t it true though that we have
expectations upon entering a relationship… and they are
there to start with…. but the trust has to build
`natasha looks over her shoulder beams at Artful
{`natasha} Her Master she says quick to avoid a swat
Artful nips at natasha’s cheek and smiles at her
{`natasha} I think expectations indicate a lack of trust and again
it depends on whether you consider your self as submitting to the
Dom or just getting to know him
{sassy`grl} I guess I am confused natasha.. you don’t think that people
have expectations when entering a relationship??
{`natasha} sassy`grl let me see if I can explain this I have put my
life in my Master trust my mind body soul… what does that mean
to me…it means
{`natasha} I live to serve him
{advena} I think I want too much sometimes…but I do not expect it
so to speak…
{`natasha} It means I put him first
{sassy`grl} natasha… but what about at the beginning…… ???
of your relationship that is??
{`natasha} I have found when I am in that place I live in total
peace and freedom
{`natasha} ahhhh that is different
{Artful} we spent all evening going over the log of our
first meeting
{`natasha} I fact my next diary entry is about our meeting and first
intimate night
{`natasha} sassy I told Master Artful I did not want to be owned I
would submit but only WHEN I was with him
sassy`grl grins at natasha Laughing out loud yes that sounds like me *grin*
{`natasha} my expectation was that he would treat me with respect
and Dominate me and be honest
{sassy`grl} so is it different now natasha??
{`natasha} Laughing well he owns me now but I would not have
surrendered to one I could not trust to be those things
Artful smiles.. yes natasha.. you are no longer your own
{`natasha} sassy if you make a good choice in a Dominant for you
that should be it
corset`d still thinks we are putting WAY too many labels on the
D/s relationship..when we mostly expect the same things for any good
bonding
sassy`grl grins.. it goes back to making the right choice
{`natasha} Now My Master owns me if he does not release me I can not
leave him…I am his but before I put myself in that position I trusted
him with my life
{`natasha} I am his treasure he wants me happy sometimes what he
thinks will make me happy I do not but I obey and he has so always made
the right choice
Artful smiles and softly kisses natasha’s cheek
{`natasha} well we spoke of this for three hours tonight because I had decided not
to have A Master Artful pulled me in slowly he pushed me to the limit
and pulled back and let it unfold when it needed to he has never given
me a reason not to trust him not once so
{`natasha} my trust is pure untainted
{`natasha} Master can you explain our trust … the dance
{Artful} we share everything with one another
{Artful} I never deceive her
{Artful} for any reason..
{Artful} I’ve seen some doms deceive as part of a test or what ever..
{Artful} imo that destroys trust
{Artful} she understands her thoughts and feelings belong to me..
{Artful} meaning..
{Artful} when I ask her to share them.. she must
{Dagon} how can someone own anthers feelings?
{Artful} her feelings and thoughts obviously cannot originate from me..
{Artful} nor would I want them to
{Dagon} OK
{Artful} but.. if I ask her how she is feeling.. or what’s on her
mind..
{Artful} she must tell me..
{Artful} even when she feels uncomfortable doing so
{sassy`grl} what happens if she feels she cannot share at this
moment???
{Dagon} OK I got ya Artful :)
{Artful} so in that sense .. I own them
Artful leans his weight on natasha.. pressing her… smiling …
further reminding her of her place
{Artful} but one important thing..
{Artful} if I ask for a thought or a feeling..
{Dagon} what’s that Artful?
{Artful} and I don’t like it
{Dagon} yes?
{Artful} or it doesn’t make me feel good
`natasha smiles feeling her Masters strength
{Artful} I *never* punish her for them
{Dagon} I agree completely Artful
{Artful} I never want her to be afraid of being honest with me
{advena} very good point Artful Sir :)
{Artful} otherwise I encourage her to lie
{Artful} honest is a major major major requirement for me..
{Artful} and also.,..
{sassy`grl} that is very true Artful Sir… and a good point for
all Doms to learn and understand
{Artful} I do not have a double standard..
{Dagon} that is what I stress the most
{Artful} one for the sub,.. one for the Master..
{Artful} obviously..
{Artful} her place is at me feet.. as a slave to a Master..
{Artful} yet I hold her in the highest esteem
{Artful} and
`natasha sighs in contentment basking in her masters wisdom and
love filling him with her love
{Artful} never expect less of me than I do of her..
{Artful} in the areas of honesty..
{Artful} fidelity etc.
{`natasha} and bottom line it is our way it works for us he is the
perfect master for me he might not be for another
{Artful} a Master and slave’s roles are different equally opposite
imo..
{Artful} yet .. at the same time..
{`natasha} just as I have not been the right submissive for may
wonderful Masters I know
{Artful} natasha requires heavy domination..
{Artful} something I rather enjoy my self – smiles
{Artful} and so .. with deep love and respect…
{Artful} and can ‘step on her neck’..
{Artful} and stretch her.. whip her when necessary.. etc..
{Artful} something she very much needs
{`natasha} and I like mmmmmmmm
{`natasha} sassy we in no way mean to imply our way is right
{Artful} it is most definitely, beyond a shadow of a doubt right for
*us*
{`natasha} oh Master I adore you, god I am overflowing with it.

5 November 1994

Laughing as we work we are speaking on the phone and speaking of our relationship and how it is unique to both of us…

You have never been worshipped like I worship you though you have had total Dominance over submissives… I have had the good fortune to be cherished through out my life but have never been able to submit and be dominated like I am by you.

So we each have a special and unique thrill in our relationship that is a new and totally unique experience for us.

Well Master two and one half months later here we sit speaking of that first night in ways it seems like a minute and in others a life time.

The log that ensues is our evaluation of that first dance retroactively we go so deep and dig deeper expose our souls our thoughts purely innocently with no thought of impressing one another or manipulation just pure discovery sweet and honest…. I adore you Master the dance continues

{`natasha} Master Laughing I am getting wet as i read our scenes
{`natasha} smiles  god this is a long log
{Artful} a wet slave is a good slave
{Artful} the first dance?
{`natasha} yes Master
{Artful} it was a awesome way to meet
{`natasha} lol
{Artful} i cant even believe it when i read it
{`natasha} we were seducing each other from the get go
{`natasha} i did not even realize till I read it again
{Artful} we could not help it
{Artful} our souls made love
{Artful} before our minds made love
{Artful} it was the soul seduction
{Artful} you read
{`natasha} god it is wonderful
{Artful} yes
{Artful} and it has only gotten better
{`natasha} are our scenes still so wonderful master for you?
`natasha grins
{Artful} more so
{Artful} i feel like i hold you in my hand
{Artful} total control
{Artful} and you look up at me
{Artful} and only want more
{`natasha} yes Master
{Artful} and I do the only thing i can..
{Artful} and give you yet more
{Artful} take you further
{Artful} push
{Artful} push
{Artful} push
{Artful} but we go there together
{Artful} we dance and we cry
{Artful} we sing and we laugh
{Artful} and oh god..
{`natasha} you know i was just thinking this conversation would be
nice for the diary
{Artful} we screammmm and we commmmmmmmmme
{`natasha} but you know what is funny
{`natasha} i think that of every conversation
{`natasha} every scene
{`natasha} each is so moving to me
{Artful} me too
{Artful} conversations with you are a religious experience for me
{`natasha} you do you think that also
{Artful} yes
`natasha grins…
{Artful} together we are profound
{`natasha} together we are silly too
{Artful} together.. our veil is removed
{Artful} and our blindness healed
{`natasha} we must be silly…. it gives contrast to the profound moments
{Artful} of course we are silly
{Artful} sill
{Artful} y
{Artful} smiles
{Artful} we are so safe..
{Artful} we are so free to be who we are
{Artful} no worries
{Artful} complete freedom
{`natasha} and then we share it with the world
{Artful} ive taken to intimate depths
{`natasha} laughing the naked Master and slave
{Artful} we walk there together
{Artful} naked like small children
{Artful} innocent
{`natasha} yes and to tell you the truth I really do not care what
others think… the letters are lovely knowing that what
we are is moving for other people is nice but this soul
searching i do is for you
{Artful} we do it for one another
{`natasha} to be the best slave I can be
{Artful} to bare ourselves in public…
{Artful} is cleansing
{Artful} purifying
{Artful} most others do not understand
{Artful} most don’t get it
{Artful} its ok
{Artful} many do
{`natasha} well master laughing i have to dig deep to get it myself
{Artful} we have deeply touched so many
{`natasha} it awes me at times
{Artful} thats because it is awesome
{`natasha} I step back and say what is this feeling what is this
unknown emotion
{`natasha} and slowly with you as my Master it unravels
{`natasha} slowly as I unwind from the thoughts and just feel it becomes
known to me
{Artful} it unfolds lite a good book
{`natasha} what did you think after our first scene master
{`natasha} what did you feel
{`natasha} do you remember/
{Artful} i remember feeling
{Artful} how perfect it was
{Artful} how easy
{Artful} and natural
{Artful} how sweet it was
{`natasha} at what point did you know you wanted me to be yours
{`natasha} always not just to scene
{Artful} i knew then
{Artful} i just wasn’t sure it would happen
{`natasha} you did?
{Artful} yes
{Artful} it was so fresh..
{Artful} so complete
{Artful} oh..
{Artful} i tried to deny it
{Artful} to myself
{Artful} but could not for long
{`natasha} why did you try to deny it
{Artful} because..
{Artful} i had made plans to be free for a while
{Artful} but i really had no idea you’d fall so deeply in love with me
{Artful} nor i with you
{Artful} the depth was heretofor unimaginable
{`natasha} you were taking possession of me in the first scene
{Artful} so how could know
{Artful} yes
{Artful} i felt.. that in a way
{Artful} you were already mine
{`natasha} god it is amazing
{`natasha} what a first scene
{Artful} no kidding
{Artful} im amazed each time i read it
{`natasha} funny i did not realize it was that intense
{`natasha} but today when i wrote that piece
{`natasha} I knew as i was thinking about it that
{`natasha} you had dominated me from that moment on
{Artful} yes
{`natasha} and the words i read show me just how much
{Artful} i could not help it
{Artful} nor did i want to
{`natasha} but our dance the dance you lead us in is so fluid
{`natasha} you took me without me even knowing
{Artful} i really only did what came natural
{`natasha} I smile often and think at this moment i am exactly where master
wants me at this  time how did he do that
{Artful} i knew enough to push when it was time to push..
{Artful} and get out of the way when it was time to let the process
unfold on its own
{`natasha} yes i feel like at times you hold me so close and
{`natasha} at times you twirl me away from your body still holding me
but letting me spin
{Artful} yes
{Artful} all part of the dance
{`natasha} yes Master
`natasha smiles
{`natasha} I adore you

(natasha quoting old log)

{`natasha} a tear slides down her face
{Artful} our souls are connected
Artful leans to lick the tear from your face
`natasha looks up at you and yet
Artful smiles lovingly into your eyes
{`natasha} tears flowing…………………i can not allow my self to
be owned
{Artful} shhh
Artful smiles
{Artful} just be in this moment slave
{`natasha} I can serve submit…….but not be owned
{`natasha} yes Sir I just need you to know
Artful shakes his head…..
`natasha lowers her eyes
{Artful} and lifts your chin…
{`natasha} shamed
{Artful} leaning to kiss you
{Artful} mmmm
{Artful} such a powerful moment

(natasha quoting old log)

{Artful} no dear
*`natasha feeds on your mouth
{Artful} we have discussed this…
{Artful} i take you here and now
`natasha smiles
{Artful} in this slice of time
{Artful} be in the moment slave
{`natasha} and we grow
{`natasha} our souls feed each other
{`natasha} thank you Sir
{Artful} you can be owned for this moment
{`natasha} and from that moment on
{`natasha} you owned me lol
{Artful} yes
{Artful} smiles
{Artful} you are mine

(natasha quoting old log)

{Artful} ownership.. outside of what we have here is almost a legal
arrangement
{Artful} if it is meant to be..
`natasha smiles
{Artful} we will feel it in our souls
{Artful} and know that is right
`natasha wriggles against you and smiles
{Artful} it is right
{`natasha} srtretching her legs

{`natasha} I was trying to change the subject lol
{`natasha} did not do any good
`natasha smiles
{Artful} you are indeed deep my darling
{`natasha} I was so relieved that here i had found one who could dominate me
and yet give me my freedom
{`natasha} little did i know that freedom
{`natasha} made me his slave
{Artful} i said we’d know it in our souls.. if it were meant to be
{Artful} such as who

(natasha quoting old log)

{Artful} to be pleasured and to be pained
`natasha molds her body to your absorbing you
{Artful} perfectly safe…
{Artful} with a black darkness
{Artful} and a white hot light
{`natasha} I so desire to feel it all to travel a path unknown
Artful leans and places kisses upon your breasts
{`natasha} to relinquish control
{Artful} yes
{`natasha} in a purity
{Artful} like falling backwards off a cliff
{`natasha} yesssssssssssssssss
{`natasha} at that moment it changed for me
{`natasha} I remember now
{Artful} sighs
{Artful} smiles
{`natasha} here i knew our vision was the same

(natasha quoting old log)

{Artful} yet knowing you will be cradled  and loved before you hit the
ground
{Artful} and safely placed in a bed of rose petals
{`natasha} trust complete knowing my Master will always protected me so no
matter what the request
{Artful} there is no thought of resisting
{`natasha} same thought
{`natasha} smiles
{Artful} yes
{Artful} you will obey  with a faithful love…
{Artful} anything I ask
{`natasha} knowing though the cliff is high if he tells me to go over i
will some how fly
{`natasha} and go deeper to where i wish
{Artful} and trust me not to be frivolous with the power you relinquish
to me
{`natasha} yes I will you have earned my trust
{`natasha} whether it is to pleasure you your friends or to crawl I will
know it is for a reason that will unfold

{Artful} i only spoke my heart
{`natasha} you knew then
{`natasha} i hear it in your words
{`natasha} you had an idea i was the one
{`natasha} I knew here you were a Master
{Artful} i felt in my soul you were the one…
{Artful} but it was not something that could be forced..
{Artful} it had to unfold on its own
{Artful} we had many hurdles
{`natasha} lol
{`natasha} I was an obstacle course
{`natasha} how did you put up with it
{Artful} you made it easy
{`natasha} did you ever feel like i am outta here this is to much
{Artful} never
{Artful} honestly!!
{`natasha} Master you have the patience of a saint
{`natasha} when i think back at all you had to sort through with me
{Artful} i always felt if it was meant to be it would happen
{Artful} it has just been so perfect
{`natasha} Master you honor me
{Artful} as you honor me my darling..
{`natasha} will it take long to place this log in the diary
{Artful} my precious treasure
{`natasha} i wish to open the month with this
{Artful} smiles
{Artful} that will be lovely
{Artful} mmmmmm what a sweet evening we are having
{`natasha} yes we are
{Artful} sensuously
{`natasha} ahhhhh
{Artful} i love you natasha
{`natasha} I love you master
{`natasha} almost done?
{Artful} take your time my precious
{`natasha} Master I can not wait to see this in our diary
{Artful} mmmmmmmmmm