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[Artful@c—s.com]:
“focus in long-distance rels”
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At 01:08 AM 2/2/95 -0400, a submissive wrote of her situation and referred to my letter

This is the agony I speak of in my letter. You gave form to the pain and anguish in a way I could not. I would urge any who are considering long distance d/s to read the letter you wrote over and over again and understand that this is what you will experience as a sub every few days; also Masters read it carefully before you consider entering into a long distance d/s relationship because it is you who will be the brunt and focus for this anguish, this confusion, and this constant questioning of you, your role in the sub’s life, and the entire relationship that has formed.

You answered to that

I think I’ll take a moment to interject here and state.. If you feel you have found ‘The One’ you have waited for all your life.. the brunt of occasional confusion and doubt is well worth it… the trade off is a no-brainer in my opinion. I have several friends living happily in flesh to flesh D/s relationships and believe me.. occasional confusion and doubt exist there as well. Good relationships are hard work any way you slice it. The fact is ..(smiling) natasha is high maintenance be she flesh or fone. I would have her no other way.. I am afraid I would quickly tire of a slave who was always go-along and get-along. I want her to take risks to please me in new ways.. to be honest with me in spite of her fear of disappointing me (which for natasha is far worse than any whip i could lay upon her bottom). I need to be challenged… I enjoy having to internally question my techniques.. Evaluate my philosophy.. and natasha challenges me in the most wonderful of ways… I never ever punish her for a thought or a feeling.. even though it may displease me.. only for her actual behavior will she be chastened.

For all things of worth there is a price or sacrifice.. for all sacrifices there is a gain.. There are times natasha is so hungry for me she sobs in my arms.. and I’d be lying if I said my eyes always remained dry.. I’ll tell you this.. the cab driver to takes us to the Plaza Hotel from LaGuardia… is going to be one lucky son of a bitch (hey… keep your eyes on the road pal )…This of course assumes we even make it out of the airport.. I’m considering bribing a customs agent to borrow his interrogation room… Where I’ll give natasha a devilish strip and see if she is concealing any contraband.. and THAT of course assumes we even make it off the tarmac without natasha pouncing on me.. tackling me and bathing me with kisses from head to toe.. (something she often threatens me with).

So.. anyone who says maintaining long distance relationships is hard.. is absolutely 100% correct.. It will definitely separate those who are dead serious from those who are merely playing… I *MUST* be able to rely on natasha to respond to my verbal commands.. if she does not… or refuses.. there is little I can do.. but threaten her with future embarrassment in public.. an unpleasant last resort which I have never needed.

The 1500 miles between us is not so bad.. we are only six hours away by plane. If that’s all it was.. we would be together.. we are both professionals… so it would not be a tremendous hardship to fly out to either coast once or twice per month (probably less than the phone bills.. gawd… laughing).. until one or the other could move.. Its the unfinished business, and prior commitments we are both cleaning up that keeps us from tasting one another. We are marking days on the calendar.. and fortunately.. time is flying.. our trust..and knowledge of one another deepens.. But it always seems to be a ‘two step forward… one step backward’ situation. I’ve..(we’ve) accepted that such is the nature of the beast.

natasha always asks permission before posting a message that involves the both of us.. especially if it shows our frailties. I’ve never prevented her from posting anything.. even if it seems to cast a bad light upon me or us. I am human.. my slave accepts my humanness.. as do my friends.. and most importantly.. I accept my own… I consider what we have to be perfect.. But that means.. perfect in all its ebb and flow.

The way I see it.. everyone should be as lucky as I am.. to have even a long distance relationship with a woman like natasha.. I love her so..

Artful

The following is the post I speak of….

The following is a letter I wrote to my Master explaining issues in a long distance relationships ….The issues are often the same as in every day life but the solutions can not be same…. he can not truly grab my hair and place my face to the floor stepping gently on my neck holding me in place …. he can tell me when we meet next time this will happen but there are limitations…. I must take a great deal of responsibility in this …. in areas that in flesh to flesh contact would rarely happen …

Now Master and I have an incredible relationship that he guards with vigilance and we nurture …. yet I struggle and this is disturbing to Master …. I was pleased to see this thread as it is true for so many of us who use the computer as one of our tools of communication….. what follows is long and I am sure not of interest to those who have the good fortune to wake up side by side …. perhaps collared to the bed…. bound in each others arms… but for us this is our reality a situation I never intended to be in till Master claimed me and here I am … smiling…

I send this in the spirit of offering the flip side of the coin … to this magical road I travel with Master…. So often we spill over with what we perceive as our perfect love …. here is another part of that tapestry… ah the textures the colors the laughter the tears that life offers….

all my love to you all natasha

(refer to yesterday’s entry for letter)

Dear Master,

This morning you asked me to write to you expressing my feelings. Expressing what it is that makes me fight my surrender balk like a wild kitten…

Yesterday I struggled wondering are we spinning our wheels….

Having given up all my hands on training when I committed to you at times I ache so deeply for the feel of the whip … But it is part of my surrender… the commitment to wait until we can be together in the flesh…. It is not something you asked for but something I gave … Knowing I could never truly surrender to another given our circumstances…

Previous commitments business and otherwise and potential legal battles keeping us apart at this time we both sacrifice…

Having surrendered in my life, to the kiss of the whip and experienced bondage/bdsm in my life I feel certain this is the path for me I am also aware that I feel our relationship my surrender to you is the deepezst the most entrancing I have yet to experience … But please understand I am human and when every where I turn so many say to any who will listen “virtual communication, virtual surrender, phone domination ? Come on get real “ I sometimes let doubt creep in …

Though you are with me every moment, I know you know my soul… I know you dominate me in a way I have never experienced completely and blissfully and yet I still get lose focus, become confused….

Like you said this morning it can never be as rich as what we will have flesh to flesh, but the intensity of what we have, the purity the depth even 1500 miles apart is what most people dream of in any circumstance….

Another point you made is this is as if you were away at war, working etc and we were separated. You asked “would our love be less real?” I have to say no….

I have had many relationships over the years … One the last one for many many years and that was a wonderful and intense relationship but as things do it changed ….but I must say none has been as intense and deep as this so raw so real no secret places you have come to see my dark corners my shame…my intimacy is yours… I have nothing that is not yours no thoughts, no feelings …I display them all openly

Yesterday … I brought you the truth my doubts and you did not object, you objected to how I reacted to them, how I behaved …. And I know I was not as kind as I could be I did not think of how I was making you feel… And for that I am sorry …. But I can not pretend I struggle at times to maintain the reality to not get weird … It seems like I go between being so filled I bubble over like a fool and saying “oh God what am I doing am I slipping into fantasy how can this be … How can I be feeling this …. Am I becoming a computer geek who is replacing real life with the virtual” …. Though as we know I am very busy in the real time world as you are and we both have forsaken sleep to spend 3 to 4 hours a day if not more speaking on the phone and 2 to 4 hours more trying to maintain our projects together…

Most of the time am in my glory serving you …you guide most of the moments in my day … I always consider what your wishes are, and feel that all I do is for you as it should be you own me … But some times it is hard … I struggle…I get scared ….and you are so far… It takes enormous discipline Master to stay in surrender with just your direction from afar…your voice your words…

I know you forgive my doubts ….but I am human I struggle and though I try to stay ~~~~THERE~~~~ (in our oasis) all the time I just can’t and sometimes I feel like I am failing and I want to run to hide …

I understand how hard it is for you as a Master to control and guide me from afar and I appreciate your love your effort your constant vigilance …

God how hard it must of been for the pioneers who had courtships through letters that took sometimes months…

I will try Master very hard to do better to please you and trust in our love… And not cut my self off from you making your ability to Master me impossible ….

Your very human and sometime frail sub / slave

I Do Adore You

natash?a

natasha
your slave

I like my body when it molds to your touch it undulates it sings it
dances my secret places wet pulsing I like my body under the fire of your touch
I watch it slip into passion I like what it does how it feels
as your fingers slide against my flesh I like my body when it moves
under your gaze fragile submitting seducing responding
begging to be filled explored touched
I like my scent when my body is near you
I like my body when I see it reflected In your eyes
Quivering as you gently touch my shoulder
I dance to the demands of your touch
I like my body I watch it sing in it’s glory
the edge of madness gripping as it explodes over and over
In a galaxy of lights falling over the edge
To be caught in your strong arms only to be lifted and used again and again

The beauty of our love washes me I feel the fire of your whip
the wetness seeps on my hot abraded flesh and
I slide into the sea of calm lost in your Dominion I am found….
Bound by your ropes and leashes I am free oh god exploding again
Screaming endless screams that become our symphony
As you open me splay me explore me and I give you all that I am
Extracting your desires lusty, powerful, raw,
I like my body when I see it reflected in my Master’s eyes ….

It got me thinking.. ( i tend to be introspective.. even brood from time … [privately smiling at natasha] ) and thought this might be material for a good thread. We have both grown so much since we have been together.. made so many wonderful discoveries.. There is a wondrous and mysterious truth to the ‘Power Exchange’ relationship. I hesitate to use the word total because nothing is total.. our exchange is as full and rich as we make it. Continuous ebb and flow exists.. like tidal changes in a large body of water.. and it has steadily deepened and intensified since we began. We consider the exchange to be total.. with the understanding that it is almost an entity unto itself.. always changing.. always growing.

natasha is as much a woman as I have ever known.. her inner strength and beauty is an awesome sight to behold.. In the real world (a man’s world.. rightly or wrongly).. she can go toe to toe with virtually any man.. leaving weak men in her wake. I guess that is what makes her surrender and submission so much more special and intrinsically valuable to me. As strong a woman/person as she is.. she is secure enough in her womanhood to be a girl.. my girl…. my girlie girl… and at times.. ( smiling.) .. my little girl.

In our exchange.. she gives me dominion over her.. and takes back control only when I give it to her. In turn.. I surrender to what I consider to be a power greater than me.. and that is the exchange itself.. Ever watchful.. vigilante .. concerned with protecting what we have.. not allowing her, me or anyone else spoil its purity. Any contaminants that do make their way into our circle by way of human frailty ( such as dishonesty.. mistakes.. fear.. doubts etc ) I deal with immediately.. by talking about them.. shining a light on them.. exposing them.. not allowing them to fester.. and grow.

Its amazing.. as we both surrender to the needs of the exchange.. we are bathed in waves of peace.. countless psychic connections.. and both sweet flowing and deliciously violently sensuality. The power exchange truely makes the whole, greater than the sum of the parts. Together we are stronger than when we are alone. When one of us misplaces our priorities by taking primary focus off of the exchange for one reason or another.. the results are *always* the same.. we lose the peace.. get out of sync.. (lafffing).. our diary is riddles with examples of this. I always tell natasha that I am grateful for the problem after we resolve it… as Nietzsche said “That which does not kill us makes us stronger”. I truly believe this. I am very happy to be in the habit of knowing how to get our exchange back on track when we cause it to faulter.

My point to all of this is to simply state…. a power exchange is a magical union that transcends knowledge of the mind.. I believe it to be spiritual in nature ( though obviously I cannot prove it ).

And again .. natasha… my sweet princess.. my soul.. thank you so much for this poem.. I love you with all my heart and soul.

Artful

The name of slave and Master is forgotten attraction leads to capture and I fall into your dominion
I lay before you my cheek resting upon your feet
Passion shall consume me drifting into the realms of pleasure and pain
sliding gracefully into the abyss which consumes my very soul

Your hands grasping my hair losing your fingers in tresses of gold
You whisper remember my slave girl you will always be mine.
Your Mastery guides your hand on my flesh the mind, the body moans
I gave way to your perpetual kiss lifting myself up longing to taste you
Moving with grace, curves seducing sliding gracefully into the abyss

There’s nowhere I can hide passion screaming every thought is blurred
Your hands silent yet unyielding secret places are revealed
There was the veil through which I could not see … you pulled it away
Tears fall from my eyes you kiss them from my face whispering
Beware my passionate slave know your Master… It is me .. not your passion

The mind the body moans my submission leads me into the abyss
I hear your whispers fall back slave let go … you can see into my heart
You smile, the air passes your lips and I hear you say you are mine
Since the dawn of time my slave listen to the ancient echoes
“Beware passionate slave know your Master… It is he .. not your passion”

Submission leads, moving with grace, seducing… as it
leads to the rapture, to our wild season, the mind the body moans
Possessed like the celebrants of a timeless ritual screams echoing
through the universe long past time and the world we know
You whisper remember my slave girl you will always be mine

The name of slave and Master is forgotten
attraction that lead to capture and I fell into your dominion
I lay before you lips upon your feet whispering I am here to serve you
My Master consumes me sliding gracefully into the abyss I am not my own
You whisper my slave girl you will always be mine, I am your home

There is no right no wrong. It is ever changing…. no absolutes we all have to find our own truth…. It matters not the name of Master or slave only that each finds their needs met in their exchange

Thank you.. all for giving me the gift of your insight and allowing me to share my heart to send out my thoughts to hear what you think … I bow to you with respect…. may we all walk our paths heads held high and find our contentment ….

In closing I whisper across the room I adore you my Master and bow natasha

It is an interesting thread the idea of what a Master is … How does he become a Master…is he a Master in and of himself … Or is his Mastery the sum of the situation he is in…. One would hope we are all masters of ourselves to some degree…. because when I can not master myself I lose focus …then I become scattered my surrender suffers … when I put my Master first I am at peace …. is this something that is taken from me or is it something I give….

I hope I do not lose you here because my Masters dominion is strong he grabs me by the hair pushes my face to the floor and says focus fall back into me… where are you? Come back… But he can not make me I need some control with in myself … I must allow it… (Though his control his ability to play to raise me melts into this and is crucial)

So… in essence I empower my Master… How does a Dom get started…. I believe a Master gets started by being empowered …having a focus a direction … a vision…. Does it matter how he discovered his needs? Do I care how he arrived to me and called me into his circle does it matter to me ? No… What matters to me is when he calls I go to him with out question and if there are questions he answers them …some times gently sometimes by stepping on my neck and ~showing me my place in our power exchange ~

alexus said in a prior post:

Speaking from PURELY preference, I cannot IMAGINE submitting to a man who is/has/will sub to another. I realize there are very good arguments to that side of things, but for me.. If I knew Master David could be DOMMED, my feelings for him would most likely change. I am a very strong woman, and NEED to know that he is STRONGER, in every way. The thought of him on his knees gives me the creeps…
alexus

my response…

I find that extremely valid for alexus because surrender has to be without question … there can be no well maybe if this… maybe if that …it can have no doubt…. so if the thought of her Master having knelt to another troubles her then it is a REAL ISSUE …..she can not empower him with doubt….

It is a wonderful thing how we can all get home by different paths … The idea is to get home find fulfillment and how fortunate we all are to be able to explore our depths together… each i seeking it’s dot each t seeking it’s cross… I found mine…In my Master Artful other’s had the opportunity but perhaps did not find it in him … it was not their truth …