31 January 1995
There were many responses to the letter I even was messaged by some saying they wish they had the courage to share their story one post spoke of the anguish of Long distance relationships …you answered that post so eloquently I would like to include that letter as today’s entry.
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[Artful@c—s.com]:
“focus in long-distance rels”
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At 01:08 AM 2/2/95 -0400, a submissive wrote of her situation and referred to my letter
This is the agony I speak of in my letter. You gave form to the pain and anguish in a way I could not. I would urge any who are considering long distance d/s to read the letter you wrote over and over again and understand that this is what you will experience as a sub every few days; also Masters read it carefully before you consider entering into a long distance d/s relationship because it is you who will be the brunt and focus for this anguish, this confusion, and this constant questioning of you, your role in the sub’s life, and the entire relationship that has formed.
You answered to that
I think I’ll take a moment to interject here and state.. If you feel you have found ‘The One’ you have waited for all your life.. the brunt of occasional confusion and doubt is well worth it… the trade off is a no-brainer in my opinion. I have several friends living happily in flesh to flesh D/s relationships and believe me.. occasional confusion and doubt exist there as well. Good relationships are hard work any way you slice it. The fact is ..(smiling) natasha is high maintenance be she flesh or fone. I would have her no other way.. I am afraid I would quickly tire of a slave who was always go-along and get-along. I want her to take risks to please me in new ways.. to be honest with me in spite of her fear of disappointing me (which for natasha is far worse than any whip i could lay upon her bottom). I need to be challenged… I enjoy having to internally question my techniques.. Evaluate my philosophy.. and natasha challenges me in the most wonderful of ways… I never ever punish her for a thought or a feeling.. even though it may displease me.. only for her actual behavior will she be chastened.
For all things of worth there is a price or sacrifice.. for all sacrifices there is a gain.. There are times natasha is so hungry for me she sobs in my arms.. and I’d be lying if I said my eyes always remained dry.. I’ll tell you this.. the cab driver to takes us to the Plaza Hotel from LaGuardia… is going to be one lucky son of a bitch (hey… keep your eyes on the road pal )…This of course assumes we even make it out of the airport.. I’m considering bribing a customs agent to borrow his interrogation room… Where I’ll give natasha a devilish strip and see if she is concealing any contraband.. and THAT of course assumes we even make it off the tarmac without natasha pouncing on me.. tackling me and bathing me with kisses from head to toe.. (something she often threatens me with).
So.. anyone who says maintaining long distance relationships is hard.. is absolutely 100% correct.. It will definitely separate those who are dead serious from those who are merely playing… I *MUST* be able to rely on natasha to respond to my verbal commands.. if she does not… or refuses.. there is little I can do.. but threaten her with future embarrassment in public.. an unpleasant last resort which I have never needed.
The 1500 miles between us is not so bad.. we are only six hours away by plane. If that’s all it was.. we would be together.. we are both professionals… so it would not be a tremendous hardship to fly out to either coast once or twice per month (probably less than the phone bills.. gawd… laughing).. until one or the other could move.. Its the unfinished business, and prior commitments we are both cleaning up that keeps us from tasting one another. We are marking days on the calendar.. and fortunately.. time is flying.. our trust..and knowledge of one another deepens.. But it always seems to be a ‘two step forward… one step backward’ situation. I’ve..(we’ve) accepted that such is the nature of the beast.
natasha always asks permission before posting a message that involves the both of us.. especially if it shows our frailties. I’ve never prevented her from posting anything.. even if it seems to cast a bad light upon me or us. I am human.. my slave accepts my humanness.. as do my friends.. and most importantly.. I accept my own… I consider what we have to be perfect.. But that means.. perfect in all its ebb and flow.
The way I see it.. everyone should be as lucky as I am.. to have even a long distance relationship with a woman like natasha.. I love her so..
Artful
Master I was thinking as I showered how you totally possessed me…. At times my body separates totally from my mind… As if it was a separate entity … Sometimes it is as if I watch myself removed at peace as you play use thrill me… These words came to mind I jotted them down very quickly…. I was thinking I would make a poem of them but the raw feeling and the love they were written with lead me not to want to disturb them or perfect them as the feeling is perfect… as is our love….
I wrote the following poem (the next diary entry) this morning as I contemplated what a Master is … It says much of what my Master is for me where he has taken me ….. we can follow many Masters… our passion … our lust …countless others but the true Master is one who guides to our heights and for each person couple or family group it is individual.
While all this is happening I am speaking with a long time mentor and friend ….he has been my lover my teacher my friend for over a year …. He asks you if he may scene with me …you say no… Telling him we have a stretch of time ahead of us before we can be together and you want to keep us on the same path … If he is interested in sceneing we can do it as a group with another sub ect but you are not loaning me out… We all speak on the phone via conference … You explain your position…
I did not realize the ramifications of erasing my drive without having a back up …9 years of my life gone… I became very task orientated and began to work on the reconstruction… You patiently gave me the space to do this…. All the time I am becoming more squirrely because I am not in our oasis…not surrendering to you but totally absorbed in my work … You call to me beckon me knowing my needs and yours but I ignore your subtle call and you allow me the time to correct my computer problem and reaching out touching me warning me that I need to fall back surrender you allow me to make this decision on my own … Some lessons are best learned from experience you have told me many times though you can at any point order me to obey with out question and you do many times you will let your falcon find home on her own. Patiently standing arm extended holding your breath knowing that if your training your teaching your guidance has taken hold I will always come home.