Entries Tagged as 'December 1994'

31 December 1994

I was in a channel discussion the other day. The topic was “Why do Doms have such a difficult time showing their weaknesses”. I chuckled to myself because I wondered why I have such a difficult time hiding mine. `natasha and I frequently speak on the concept regarding shame. I define shame as those deep down feelings of inadequacy that all humans have. I believe its a part of the human condition.. to feel like we should be something better than human.. yet daily we are confronted by our inescapable humanness. The resulting cognitive dissonance motivates us humans to all sorts of foolish things.. to prevent others from discovering that we are suffering from the same terminal disease they are.. the disease of humanness. `natasha and work to crash through these walls of shame that by their nature.. wreak havoc on interpersonal relationships. Personally, I combat shame by changing my perception of my place in the universe. I consider myself to be perfect.. the perfect human.. with all the frailties and silly nonsense that goes along with being human. `natasha is also perfect.. the perfect slave for me.. the perfect woman.. the perfect companion. Does that mean I think she can do no wrong? Of course not, as we all do, she fulfills her destiny as the “perfect human” quite nicely. We work very hard to share all feelings with one another.. even the painful ones.. it helps keep our power exchange fresh and pure. We work just as hard to quickly forgive one another when necessary.

Today, `natasha had the perfect opportunity to “put her money where here mouth is” with respect to quickly forgiving… we had made plans to be together on the phone at midnight and ring in our first new year together. Well.. what can I say.. I stood her up.. I had too much New Years brew at a neighbors house.. a condition I rarely find myself in.. ( I hate the loss of control ). Too drunk to have a conversation, too hung over the next day to be of worth to anyone. Needless to say natasha was heartbroken.. hurt.. and angry with me.. It’s so odd how I have no problem laying delicious painful welts on her thighs yet at the same time, to discover I have hurt her precious heart devastates me.

……continued January 1, 1995

27 December 1994

There are many things in the universe,
that cannot be without the other.
The sun cannot be the sun without the moon,
the day cannot be the day without the night,
the sea cannot be the sea without the shore,
the Master cannot be the Master without the slave…
and my darling natasha.. I cannot be without you.
I love you with all my heart.. and always will – thank you
for all that you are… I love you my darling
——- Master

My darling.. we have been together four months now.. it seems like an eternity and a blink of an eye at the same time. We wondered at one point if what we had was true… would we super-nova. Well we are still here.. and the depth of our power exchange does nothing but intensify.. We seem to be taking steps at the pace we feel comfortable… and making our own path.. making what is right for us. Who knows how long fate has planned for us… regardless, I work to make it forever, the optimist that I am. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me natasha. You never ask “How may I serve you”.. something you know I abhor. Rather.. you have come to know me, learned my needs, watch me and anticipate me and ‘DO’ the things that please me, that make me happy, that fill me to the point at which I over flow. Yes.. our communication is electronic, but the things we do for one another are real. You demonstrate your love for me daily. You never let me forget how you feel, never let me doubt. God you are so perfect for me, smiling, you know my needs are insatiable.

There have been a few difficult times along our path, smiling, as anyone who knows us or who reads our diary can plainly see. I think we fall victim to our intensely passionate natures. That side of us can be a two edged sword and at times can work to our detriment. But as you know, after every one of our trials (and there have only been a few), I have expressed my gratitude. Nietzsche wrote, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger”. And after our trials it has been gratifying to see how we have worked through them. If we are to expect any longevity at all.. we must have the capacity to forgive and understand, be slow to anger, and quick to share our love. In assessing our journey, it seems we have these characteristics. Through it all however, we always seem to find that amazing peace when we are bathed in one another. It never fails, when we surrender to the truth of our power exchange, the peace washes over us and protects us as we bask in our love. Its wonderful that we can enjoy tender moments, and in a flash, a violent love most could not understand. I am amazed at the fullness of what we have. Its hard to imagine what it will be like when we are finally together. I cannot promise you we will make it out of the airport safely (smiling). Maybe I’ll bribe a customs agent to borrow his interrogation room. I’ll put you up against the wall and give you a delicious strip search. Mmmmmmmm….. you know I’ll have to check to see if you are concealing any contraband within your body (evil chuckle).

natasha, thank you for my treasure. I will always cherish you and lift you to the heavens. You have made me happier than I could ever imagine.

Your Forever Master,

26 December 1994

Working together always brings me a special peace, as it does you … I want to keep this purely for us it may have no interest for others who read it but for me it is so much of what we are about… It is to always remind us what pleasure we take in the simple things an article we read, a picture we look at on the web, we revel in every moment… we reach out an share…we permeate each others lives…this is not a way of living most would enjoy …in fact in the past I would have felt smothered but I crave you and your company … I love being owned by you…I love when you tell me I am your prisoner…I love my warden… I love that every decision I make I make for you with your permission … It is something I could not have fanthomed in the past ….and now I can not imagine not being your slave… I do not know if I could be a slave to another but I do know I am yours…. I adore you natasha

{Artful} god how I love you
{natasha} and how I worship you my Master
{Artful} you are my angel natasha
{Artful} I cannot tell you how filled with you I am
{natasha} I do not think you have to tell me
{natasha} because my seams are bursting
{Artful} yes
{Artful} look at that picture
{Artful} (Reading from an article)  When I say ‘understand’ your
partner, I mean really get to know what she wants. I
think you’d be surprised. Sure she might want hours
of foreplay, sure she might want gentle caresses and
sensitive, sensual sex. On the other hand, she’s just
as likely to want you to grab her by the hair, slam her
against the wall, rip open her blouse, chew her bra off,
throw her onto the floor, tie her  hands to the bedpost
and fuck her senseless. You see, if you don’t ask you’ll
never know. And that’s why I say communication – despite
libido-dampening PC connotations – is vital for both of
you to have sex
{Artful} its a great article
{Artful} I love it
{Artful} did you read it?
{natasha} no it is having a time getting to it
{natasha} waiting for reply
{Artful} I will email it to you
{natasha} Master can we make a section general sexual information
{natasha} and link
{Artful} yes
{natasha} oh godddddddddddddddd
{Artful} it can just as easily go into additional resources
{Artful} oh goddddd what
{natasha} what a picture
{Artful} nice hunh
{Artful} huh
{Artful} delicious
{natasha} yes
{Artful} read the article
{Artful} god I am so filled with you
{natasha} I adore you
{Artful} I want my angel
{natasha} which one was it?
{Artful} OK
* natasha crawls in between her masters legs and kisses his thighs
while he works
{natasha} http://www.differences.com/framer.html
{natasha} look at that Master
{natasha} that should be a link
{natasha} master
* Artful- leans to touch his lips to an angel
{Artful} I crave your supplication
{natasha} you have my worship
{natasha} I will feed you my adoration
{natasha} till you tell me to stop
* natasha slides up her Masters body nibbling him tasting his lips
* Artful- slides his hands through your hair..
{Artful} smiling
{natasha} oh god I love you
{Artful} I cannot get the picture of you in your white negligee…
washed and powdered  out of my mind
{natasha} we are at such peace together
{Artful} ( not that I want to )
{Artful} smiles
{Artful} how nice
{natasha} oh Master
{Artful} I feel bathed in your surrender
{natasha} a great story page
{Artful} washed in your adoration
* natasha grins and just kisses you again
{natasha} I can not wait till everyone goes to sleepppppppp
{Artful} you are my angel
{Artful} I want you powdered
{natasha} and you Master are the one who watches me
{natasha} gages me
{natasha} lifts me up
{Artful} I want to suck on your delicious feet.. bite them
{natasha} holds me in check
{natasha} and tosses me into the skies
{Artful} yes I do
{natasha} you are the one the makes me scream laugh and cry and lay
gently in reverie
{natasha} you are my adored master
{natasha} I feel so honored to be yours
{Artful} you are the one .. my One..
{natasha} and I admire your bravery
{Artful} the one for whom I have waited all my life
{natasha} smiles
{natasha} saucily
{Artful} what bravery my darling
{natasha} to take me on as your forever slave
{natasha} he he
{Artful} ahh
{Artful} smiles
{Artful} nerves of steel
{Artful} smiles
* natasha smiles
{natasha} I adore you
{Artful} I am so in love with you
{Artful} floating on air
{Artful} happy
{natasha} as I am so in love with you
{Artful} filled
{Artful} over flowing with you

25 December 1994

My Dear Master

You are the wind beneath my wings
My Guardian Angel enveloped together
Each only using one wing
We can fly so much higher…
Though we soar on our own
Our power together is Incredible
We are truely magic
Perfect for one another

Merry Christmas Dear Master
Your Slave natasha

24 December 1994

It has been a long time since I have entered our logs in our journal… I think I would like to close out the year with some of our conversations…one of the things that I feel keeps us always on the edge of our seat is our constant reaching out the way we explore each others souls this is a little conversation were we reiterate our needs.

I always have so much fun with you Master you are my best friend my lover my Master my confidant … I adore you …

{natasha} Kissssssssssssssssssssssssss
{natasha} I adore you
{natasha} looking at you softly
{natasha} Kneeling by you
* Artful looks at you with playful eyes and a smile
{natasha} Hands on your knees… grins
{natasha} How I adore you Master
* Artful Spreads his knees making your hands fall and your
chin drop to my lap
* natasha laughs
{Artful} My perfect little slave
{natasha} and …. bites at your manhood through your
{Artful} ouch
{natasha} Master for you what do you need in a slave
* Artful Leans and pinches a nipple
{natasha} What if you had to make a top ten list of
qualities that would please you in a slave what
would they be?
* natasha ******Yelps*******
{Artful} I would have to think to quantify and prioritize..
but, here is what I am looking for,  in general
{natasha} And not a * Letterman List * please …. giggles
{Artful} From the home office in Lincoln Nebraska
{Artful} 1… smiles … she has to be able to handle my all
consuming love my demands and needs etc.
{Artful} Extremely bright
{Artful} Vivacious and effervescent
* natasha listens
{Artful} One who can pull me from my darkness to the
light..  encourage my little boy to play
and have fun
{Artful} She must love to laugh
{Artful} Easily forgive
{Artful} Be kind and devoted.. extremely loyal..  honest
{Artful} Strive to lift me up.. as I will her
{Artful} Have the same burning love for me .. as I have for her
{Artful} Hunger for my domination
{Artful} Communicate her needs
* natasha smiles
{Artful} Be incredibly sensuous
{Artful} Accept me for who I am for my strengths and weaknesses
{Artful} have a love for people in general
{Artful} our characteristics should compliment one another
{natasha} That is a long long long list Master … Grins at you
{natasha} Out of all those where do you feel I am the weakest
{natasha} and where is my greatest strength
{Artful} that’s the amazing thing
{Artful} you are strong in all areas
{Artful} one area however…
{natasha} You are lovely Master
{natasha} Yes Master
{Artful} In you are kind and love others to a fault sometimes
{Artful} Sometimes when it is detrimental to you
{natasha} Do you know how many people have told me that over my life
time Master
{Artful} But you match My needs so perfectly
{Artful} every one with ears and eyes?
{Artful} grins
{natasha} Now can I tell you what must be a *very closely guarded
secret because most do not see it?
{natasha} Because I do love so much I forgive everyone do you know
what that means ?
{Artful} yes
{Artful} tell me
{natasha} That means I hold no anger in my heart
{natasha} Who wins Master
{natasha} the occasional mean person or me?
{Artful} oh.. I agree whole heartedly
{Artful} I am not a grudge holder either
{Artful} but you know that
{natasha} so why for a few tears and a few moments of pain
{natasha} would I keep even an inclining of the negativity in me
{natasha} I just keep believing the next moment they will be better
{Artful} I love you so much
{Artful} you are so perfect to me
{Artful} for me
{Artful} perfect
* natasha grins
{Artful} for me
{natasha} now do you want to hear my top 10
{Artful} yes I do
{Artful} I’m hoping I have a few of your top 10 characteristics
{natasha} OK lol I think you have those and more
{natasha} Class
{natasha} Honesty
{natasha} Kindness
{natasha} Humor
{natasha} Intelligence  … wise
{natasha} Creative
{natasha} A lust For Life
{natasha} Sexual very lusty
{natasha} A lust for Knowledge
{Artful} well..
{Artful} I’m Kind of sexual
{Artful} 1 out of 10 isn’t all that bad
{Artful} do you think?
{natasha} ha ha … Kind of sexual yes eyes dancing … I need a few
more orifices I think to last the rest of my life with you
{natasha} not done
{Artful} OK
{natasha} I need him to love me to distraction
{natasha} and I need to love him to distraction a true romance I know
many submissives / slaves do not seek this they just desire to be
dominated… I need to adore and be adored
{natasha} I need to feel growth and change
{Artful} what?
{Artful} oh
{natasha} and I need to feel trust and respect
{Artful} sorry – I was distracted
{Artful} some love was whipping around my head in a frenzy
{natasha} you mean my throwing my leg over the arm of the chair and
stroking my pussy and licking my fingers and moaning
distracted you Master?
{natasha} batting my eyes
{natasha} pursing my *do me red lips*
{natasha} throwing my head back and laughing
{Artful} um no… not that.
{Artful} there was a crumb on your chin
{Artful} I couldn’t take my eyes off it
{natasha} looks at you and pretends to glare…laughs…you know Master
I could go on for hours and you would fill every wish
{Artful} grins
{Artful} I feel the same about you
{Artful} totally
{Artful} its soooo damn amazing
{natasha} quite nice really darling she says in her best *English
{natasha} and though I enjoy the chats on the channels
{Artful} pip pip cheerio and all that kind of rot
{natasha} I am most often content
{natasha} truly content when I feed off of you
{Artful} me too
{natasha} I truly adore you my Master
{natasha} And I live to serve you
{Artful} And I am truly sooo in love .. and live to protect and love
and dominate you
{natasha} oh and Master the one important thing I did not say
{natasha} it needs to be the one
{natasha} I can put before all else
{natasha} so well we seemed to have the same recipe
{Artful} yes
{Artful} we make the perfect cake
* Artful eats you and gets frosting all over his face
{natasha} it would be fun to do this every four months or so and see if
the needs have changed in our perception
{Artful} yes

23 December 1994

Food For Thought

I wrote the following thought to my Master and was wondering do other submissives find guilt hard to deal with or does the very nature of D/s alleviate guilt… it seems to be the antithesis of D/s and destructive .. What do the Dominants do in their D/s relationships to ensure the submissives great desire to serve her/his Master does not create guilt when she/he falters.

Thoughts on letting my Master down and guilt

I was thinking of how I feel when I disobey your wishes…when I do not put your needs first… sometimes I am not aware of the transgression till later … a bit oblivious in my unbridled enthusiasm…at times you wait to see if I will see for myself what has transpired…

In past relationships my guilt overwhelmed me confused me …. I wished to be released from my guilt. My eyes welled up in my turmoil. The battle is inside! You Master never use guilt as a tool …you always strive to help me find my peace… in you ….

But you Master are so in tune with me you watch me stretch me help me seek that place where I belong in your dominion …serving you… You comfort me, bring me peace. I cannot undo what I have done so you release me from my guilt at times with the kiss of your whip or with a quiet voice that lets me know I can make amends at times you push my face to the floor I can not see you I feel your power… alone with my thoughts unable to move but always Master you let me hear your voice clearly.

22 December 1994

Master this was a special moment I was speaking to some one of you and I felt that rush that sensation when nothing else matters… The world fades it matters not who else is present …what is going on I am gripped by your dominion and possessed by my surrender… I adore you my Master

{natasha}   looks up and sees her Master feels compelled to walk to
him and place her lips to his feet … in adoration
{Artful}   beams and feels a special rush roll over his body like a
wave meeting the shore
{Artful}   leans to cup natasha ‘s cheek and lifts her face to his..
{Artful}   meeting her lip.. and kissing her…
{natasha}   slides her body up her Masters body in quiet supplication
{Artful}   tasting her mouth
{natasha}   lips touching tongue tracing yours I adore you My Master
{Artful}   smiling .. and I adore you as well my darling .. more
than I would have ever believed possible
{Artful}   yet.. here we are
{natasha}   yes Master and slave one
{LrdGentle} —quietly leaves the room…….until tomorrow
{Artful}   a perfect dance..  amazingly without choreography
{Artful}   leans and scoops natasha’s supple body into his
{Strider|}  Artful:  D/s love at it’s finest.  Both of you have my
{stri^cat}  hiya babe how are you?
{natasha}   a dance of souls
{natasha}   bye all
{Artful}   standing tall.. cradling her .. looking into her eyes.. and
carries her from the channel
{Artful}   good night friends
{Silkwitch} night Arturo {s}
{Silkwitch} kiss natasha for me
{Artful}   smiles
{Artful}   indeed

20 December 1994

Master this is a simple scene we did on #TheEdge undernet … a lesson in humility … a lesson in serving my Master… a scene so simple that many may not even see it as a scene… and yet for me it was powerful … it pushed me expanded me in front of our friends … and brought more strongly into focus what I live for to serve you.

{natasha} crawls around the floor pinching bottoms
{HeavyHand} rests his feet on natasha as she crawls by
{natasha} tries to escape before anyone sees her
{Artful} looks at natasha and raises an eyebrow
{natasha} darn HeavyHand caught me
{Artful} chuckling
{natasha} looks at her master and grins sheepishly
{HeavyHand} gets comfy, diggggs his heels in a little
{natasha} Master oh sheesh I got caught
{natasha} lol
{HeavyHand} wonders if anyone is going to lay claim to this lovely
{natasha} reaches up and tickles Heavy Hand ankles
{natasha} trying to squirm out
{HeavyHand} isn’t ticklish, natasha
{^calli} afternoon all 🙂
{HeavyHand} hello calli, come here hon
{natasha} giggles master aren’t ya gonna save me
* ^calli walks over to HeavyHand….afternoon, Sir
{natasha} lol Dom DOM DOM …foiled again
{Artful} laffin
{Artful} NO
{HeavyHand} takes calli’s face in his hands and kisses her gently
* ^calli smiles and softly returns his kiss
{Artful} Her neck is particularly comfortable for your feet HEAVY
{HeavyHand} thanks, Artful.
{HeavyHand} adjusts his feet, ankles on natashas neck
{Artful} There now HEAVY HAND .. how does that feel
{Artful} nice huh?
{HeavyHand} much better!
{natasha} feels her face to the floor, kinna likes it lol…laughing
{HeavyHand} smiles at calli, and thinks about that topic, open,
honest communications
{natasha} groans and relaxes… giggling cant stop laughing
{HeavyHand} how was shopping, calli, did you buy out the store??
{natasha} hi calli hugs
{Artful} grabs natasha’s mound lifting her bottom into the air…
{^calli} not quite, Sir. *smile*
{natasha} oh godddddddddddddddddd
{Artful} and carefully balances a tea service on her
{Artful} Some tea HEAVY HAND?
{^calli} the weather is so bad here that we didn’t get out of town
and that limited my shopping a lot
{natasha} my bottoms not that big must be a service for 2 lol
* ^calli smiles hello to natasha
{HeavyHand} thanks,, Artful, you are a gracious host
{HeavyHand} calli, please serve Arturo a cup
{Artful} pours some steaming hot tea in a cup for HEAVY HAND..
making sure a couple of scalding droplets fall on
natasha’s creamy white skin
{natasha} hi calli sorry I am somewhat restrained not feeling to
{natasha} ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh
{Artful} Some honey with that HEAVY HAND?
{HeavyHand} hmmmm honey sounds wonderful, Artful
* ^calli carefully pours Artful a cup of tea
{natasha} sighs and surrenders to the situation
* ^calli glances ruefully at the bruise on her hand….no problem,
natasha.. I don’t feel too graceful most of the time when someone is
stepping on my neck groans
{Artful} squeezes the honey bear into H’s tea cup,… and then
squeezes some of the
sticky sweet liquid over natasha allowing some of it to
ooze between her lovely cheeks
{Artful} Lemon HEAVYHAND?
{natasha} moans as she feels the sweet stickiness ooze down her… oh
{Artful} uses a paring knife to slice a fresh lemon into wedges…
{Artful} and lays it down upon her back.. the cool steel blade
touching her skin..
{Artful} squeezes a wedge into his cup. and one into HEAVY HAND;’s..
{natasha} contemplates biting ankles blushing 10 shades of red
{Artful} hmm 10 shades…
{Artful} how absolutely lovely
* ^calli sees the knife, sinks to the floor beside HeavyHands’s
chair, and shudders
{HeavyHand} calli, relax
{Artful} I love you my treasure – smiling
{HeavyHand} squeezes a slice of lemon, spatters it all over natasha, and
his fingers and in his tea
{natasha} jerks as the coolness sends a shudder through her as it
touches her burning flesh
{natasha} oh lord mercy please no more pinching bottoms
{HeavyHand} looks at Artful, *grins*
{^calli} Sir, you seem to tell me to relax fairly often
{Artful} Not another word like that deamon
{HeavyHand} calli, you tend to let the world upset you, fairly
often, hehehehe
{^calli} not necessarily, Sir…only certain things upset me
{HeavyHand} I love how these irc conversations develop, when you
add in the lag factor ROTF
{natasha} sighs calli fair warning to you do not crawl on the floor
and pinch bottoms
{Artful} natasha.. I do believe you are the finest piece of
furniture I own
^calli makes a mental note to *never* do that
{Artful} ahh yes.. crawling and pinching bottoms
{natasha} groans and says why master thank you … think Ethan
Allan would be interested
{Artful} a novel idea
{HeavyHand} Artful, fine furniture always carries a brand, you know
{Solo-} pinching yes….crawling….well….
* ^calli thinks about getting out the sling shot and M&M’s instead
{natasha} maybe I can make Architechual Digest
{HeavyHand} calli, have fun, but don’t you think fifty is enough?
{Kree} lol calli
{Artful} natasha .. what is written on your most private of parts?
{natasha} OH God Master do I have to say
{natasha} growls at HEAVY HAND
{Artful} yes.. my sweet coffee table.. I believe you do
* ^calli glances at HEAVY HAND and decides not to act on those
about the sling shot
{^calli} 50 is enough, Sir
{natasha} POMA
{Artful} pops natasha’s sweet butt once for that cute.. yet
impetuous growl
{HeavyHand} Artful, careful, you almost knocked my legs off!
{natasha} calli distract your master please
{HeavyHand} gently strokes callis lovely hair, and wonders what
color she will delight him with this week
{Artful} There are always casualties HEAVY HAND.. I’ll try to be
more careful
with the friendly fire – smiles
{Artful} and what does POMA stand for my darling
* ^calli purrs…and tries to decide what color would be best
{natasha} Property Of Master Artful
{natasha} which I am heart and soul
{Artful} and of that.. is there any doubt my sweet sweet treasure?
{Artful} relaxes sipping tea with his friend
{HeavyHand} laughs, and appreciates all that goes on
{Artful} feet comfy HEAVY HAND?
{HeavyHand} thank you Artful, your hospitality is wonderful
{natasha} groans noooo Master
{natasha} are you all through teasing me now
{HeavyHand} I think so, natasha,
{Artful} Why thank you.. HEAVY HAND.. one must not be so greedy as
to bury his treasure..
{HeavyHand} gently raises his feet, and sets them on the floor in front
of natashas face
{natasha} can I get up pleaseeeeeeeee
{Artful} a treasure shared is a treasure multiplied
{Artful} when I finish my tea dear.. please be patient
{natasha} you are my treasure can I share you master someone is
waiting for you on another channel.
{natasha} why don’t you go lol
* ^flower smiles enjoying this room thinking she could learn much
{Artful} sips his tea swirling the remaining liquid in his cup
{natasha} flower easy for you to say
{natasha} lol
* ^flower giggles
{Kree} flower as you have much to share with everyone else
{HeavyHand} Artful, I never keep my treasures for myself… as
those who know me best will attest
{Artful} pops natasha again on her cute butt
{natasha} lesson 101 in humility here
{Artful} you know what for – smlies.
{HeavyHand} calli?
{^calli} yes Sir?
{Artful} finishes the last of his tea
{Artful} and removes the service from natasha’s lovely posterior
{Artful} and lifts her in his arms..
{natasha} cuddles her master
{natasha} blushing still
{Artful} carrying her to the next room to clean the spilled honey in
his special way
{Artful} mmmm
{Artful} sweet
{HeavyHand} LOL
{Artful} delish
{Artful} you are lovely my dear natasha..
{HeavyHand} calli, how do *I* feel about sharing
{Artful} god how I adore you
{natasha} Thank you master I live to serve and please you
{Artful} cradles natasha and her freshly cleaned bum in his arms..
{Artful} kissing her neck
{Artful} smiling into her eyes
{^calli} I seem to remember you saying something along the lines
that sharing is a demonstration of ownership, Sir
{HeavyHand} heheheh, have I kept you solely for myself, calli?
{Artful} whispering to her
{natasha} smiles back …. moaning gently her hands touching your
flesh so softly it is but a breeze on your skin
{^calli} no Sir
{Artful} I adore you my natasha)
{natasha} a gentle exploration ….. sweet electric sensation
{Artful} relaxes and soaks in her delicious surrender
{HeavyHand} *grin* remember how Artful acted today, and natasha…
easy in their play and jests, sure of their love for each
{HeavyHand} each taking joy in the accomplishments of the other
{^calli} of course, Sir
* ^flower sighs…thinking it was lovely indeed
{natasha} smiles
{natasha} Heavy Hand it is the type of scene some can not understand
{HeavyHand} that is the joy you bring to me always, calli.
{HeavyHand} and that is the joy that was crushed as well
{natasha} the depth of submission that it takes me to I can not
{natasha} Thank you Sir
{natasha} Thank you Master
{HeavyHand} I love you , calli, and would have you learn all that
there is in the world
{HeavyHand} not just what I have to teach you,
{Artful} smiles proudly…
{Artful} I love you so natasha.. words cannot describe my feelings
* ^calli feels the tears begin to slide down her cheeks
{Artful} smiles warmly at HEAVY HAND and calli
{HeavyHand} takes calli’s face in his hands, and tastes her tears
and smiles happily
{HeavyHand} calli, I have to travel for a bit now…. you may stay
on the channel if you wish
{Artful} take care HEAVY HAND
{Artful} have a good one
{^calli} I must sleep if I am going to go to work tonight, Sir
{tchrspet} take care HEAVY HAND
{HeavyHand} calli, there are more than a few who would like to know
what the strokes are for
{HeavyHand} laughs and waves to all,
{HeavyHand} shakes Artfuls hand,
{natasha} sighs happily basking in her masters dominion
{HeavyHand} and kisses natasha on the cheek
{Solo-} later HEAVY HAND….
{HeavyHand} later all,
{Artful} Take care my friend
{Artful} have a good day
{HeavyHand} whispers to calli and heads out
{^flower} natasha….if I remember correctly you have a web page I
have visited, I wonder if you would share the URL
with me again so I may revisit
{Artful} http://www.cuffs.com
* ^flower smiles thank you Sir Arturo
{Artful} hi flower btw
{Artful} are you the same flower on EfNet?
* ^flower smiles hello Sir no Sir
{natasha} rises to leave
* ^flower giggles and states the obvious ‘looks like a split’
{Artful} bye all
{natasha} by all have a great day
{natasha} waits for her master
{Artful} later Kree

19 December 1994

The next night before going to sleep still rejoicing I write this note to you before I close my eyes to sleep…..

Master sitting here quietly thinking of you …. I have not written in my diary for a week …. the new channel and all the responsibility and time it took from us weighed heavily on me…. yesterday you allowed me to give the channel to my dear friend Master Kree who’s vision for a channel was very similar to ours….

A great weight has been lifted from me I rejoice ….and will once again bask in your Dominion unfettered…have time to write….and most of all have nothing that pulls me away from our glory….I adore you master …goodnight

Your slave natasha

In closing this chapter of our lives as I write these diary entries as a tribute to the Master you are …you took a great chance let me fly far and waited to see what my priorities were …were they the call of popularity … being loved by others or were they to serve and put you first the answer it seems is evident …as I wrote these and sent these last two days to you these are the words we spoke

{natasha}  Master … 2 more days … on their way
{Arturo-}  I adore you
{natasha}  do you like these entries
{Arturo-}  yes
{Arturo-}  very much
{natasha}  they tell a story may may miss
{natasha}  but I know and you know
{natasha}  I am your falcon and you are my falconer
{Arturo-}  I am your Master… your falconer
{Arturo-}  my baby is back
{Arturo-}  I am breathing easier – smiles
{natasha}  grins and grins and grins

18 December 1994

Oh this is going to be a short and sweet entry… I have calmly considered my options and still want to give the channel to a true and trusted friend who will nurture the channel…and continue with our vision.

I ask your permission to call Master Kree and ask him to take the channel over… You say yes… I make the call… we speak he makes sure this is my decision and that you agree and he says yes a weight is lifted from me.

We go to the channel take care of the legalities and the most amazing thing happens… my peace returns …. I can now put my Master first… I am filled at peace …

We have a quiet evening work on our web page … Make love … nothing pulling at us… My surrender so pure so sweet envelopes me fills me … I adore you Master

17 December 1994

Well the channel is coming along I am almost enjoying it but I miss you thinking calmly and realizing that I just must relax and enjoy it stop making myself nuts…But god I miss you Master sitting at your feet…working on the web page together… reaching out touching your thigh… the day stretches on….

I feel so lonely in this crowd I feel the loss of you…. perhaps if I could multitask better…Perhaps if I did not feel such an obligation to be a good hostess … Horrified I realize I am rambling not making sense speaking for the sake of speaking to stay awake … and I am aware I still can not surrender to you, my skin does not tingle, my mind is not at peace … I know you need me you want me alone…but I feel I must stay in the channel … make the channel a success… be a perfect hostess … The channel Is Becoming My Master…

I speak to you about it … You tell me quietly (though I am sure looking back you longed to pull me away back into your Dominion you did not you let your falcon choose her course ) You said “natasha just be sure you leave no ghosts behind …make sure this is what you want… be sure you are not leaving your dream behind”

I feel this is an important decision it is choice … once I walk away you will not give me the choice to do another channel of this magnitude once I walk that is it… We spoke of this before I started you said “I have concerns but I will not stand in the way of your dream … try this … you can walk away if it does not work for you and leave it in trusted hands.” Although you give me choices, once I make them, you expect me to live up to them wisely. You saw what would likely happen and left me an out… and I am taking it … I miss you too much…

16 December 1994

Well the channel is up and running people coming in it seems to be going well… but I hate it I am in a panic feeling the loss of our time working … laughing … loving together …. I am not liking this … all day long I am working my self up … horrified at what I have done… I disregarded my Masters needs for a channel a project…and now I feel stuck… surrender submission fade away and now I feel alone …floundering…seeing my Master across a channel unable to touch him like I want…unable to serve him like I am so used to… by night I have totally lost control …call my trusted friend Master Kree and say you have to take the channel or I am shutting it down…totally out of control both you and Master Kree telling me till I calm down no one is agreeing to anything …. slowly I regain some degree of control and realize I have made a commitment I must think calmly and rationally …. so I relent and decide to just enjoy the channel…stop thinking it has to be perfect …that I have to be perfect but I still desperately miss you Master and I can not slip into that place I dwell in with you …. the peaceful surrender….. I can not seem to bask in your Dominion…. I need sleep which I fight so hard because the days never have enough hours …. You quietly watch your falcon never calling her back but letting her decide her course … In looking back I know not many could have stood back and waited never trying to influence waiting to see….

15 December 1994

The channel opened so many friends stopped in …the channel will be successful I can see that… it was a wonderful and difficult day for me as i am sure it was for you… so many friends have helped so many wonderful people involved but I can already see it is not what I want nor need not good for us…I miss you… I feel the channel will become my Master and I will be it’s slave…

I feel concerns … watching knowing I want the channel to be more than a hi hello but also realizing that today that is all it can be today as friends come from all over to say hello… the pressure is mounting I realize I will have to put a great deal of time in here to guide the channel … do the discussions and also learn the technical end… added to that my job and other responsibilities…. then the web page and most of all my most important commitment to you my Master…. I am feeling frightened overwhelmed at the same time proud and pleased and touched at our friends love and dedication…

My commitment to you Master is I will not let the channel come between us disrupt our glory. I spoke those words with such conviction innocently thinking I could handle it all… only to discover I desperately missed our time together our privacy….Master I adore you….

14 December 1994

Dear Master … exhausted getting ready for our channel #theEdge to open you called me … we fell asleep the phone in our hands we slept that way all night waking whispering to one another and sinking back into slumber… finally dawn came and ….

I loved waking beside you Master this morning the phone in my hand we slept all night the sound of each others breathing in our ears I heard you whisper my name telling me to part my thighs as I woke … The Dream followed with out missing a beat into reality as I awoke…I bask in your Dominion …

submissively yours,
your slave natasha

Waking beside My Master

Drunk on the first light of morning
I open my eyes my Dream lies beside me
the memory is fresh he whispers part your thighs
my thighs open the glistening wetness revealed

Unwrapping me, ecstasies of wantonness
as he envelopes me in his Dominion
surrendering hungrily as he slides deep in me
Master and slave dream on….I adore you Master….

13 December 1994

Well Master you have given me the gift of the channel a project I have ached to do… a dream I longed to fulfill a place where people can go on IRC to have fun and enjoy conversing with others of like mind.

I know you were reticent to do it seeing it as a great commitment and possibly pulling us away from our path. For the first few months of our relationship you said no we need time… Then as the falconer sets his falcon free you let me fly… though this is on our web page and possibly in our diary I want to include it here again as is speaks of what you did so eloquently… You sent me off let me soar further from you than you ever have and waited to see what your falcon would do.

The Falconer
By TorqueDom
© Copyright 1994 – all rights reserved

Training begins with a wild bird on a tether. You teach it to fly, controlled, in a very confined area. You reward obedience with affection, and kindness, and an occasional treat. As the bird responds, the tether gets longer, the area of freedom expands, but remains under control. As trust and loyalty grows, so does the tether, and eventually, it is no longer neccessary. Replacing the tether is the voice command; strong, sure, and unyielding. When the response is positive, the voice softens, becomes pleasing. The bird responds.

Even the best trainer, with the best falcon, takes a shallow breath as the unfettered bird leaves his gloved arm, wondering as it flies away if it’s in it’s mind to return. You feel it *every time. Sometimes, it’s only a passing thought, relatively sure you’ve done your job well, and have your bird’s loyalty, and confidence. The bird goes thru it’s paces, as instructed, as planned. You think that you’ve provided an atmosphere that will make the creature WANT to return, even if it doesn’t have to. You’ve conditioned it, thru love, and caring, that being on your arm is a better place to be than free, and defenseless, and on it’s own. You think all this for just a moment, and you breathe again.

Then, just once in awhile, the creature doesnt make the turn. It has traveled just a little farther, a little faster than usual. You wonder if it has decided that the lure of the unknown, the things not yet experienced, the call of the wild, may be just a bit stronger than your training, and it’s loyalty. You see it looking towards the mountain, flying towards it, mesmerized by it. You know you can use your call, a verbal signal that would break the animal’s concentration, train of thought. The sound would illicit an immediate response, you know, as it has so many times before. But this time, this one time, you see something different in the way the bird is flying. Stronger, straighter, with a purpose. Is it merely stretching it’s wings, exploring it’s boundaries, curious as to the world it is in? Or has it decided to explore a new world, an untethered one. You could call…. but you don’t. You decide, in that instant, to allow the creature it’s freedom, it’s choice. Somehow, you know it needs to make it, it needs to know for itself where it belongs. So you hold your voice, and your breath, and your heart, and you wait. And suddenly… it turns. It’s flight back to you is straighter, faster than usual. And you breath again, and feel pride, for this mighty creature is here because it wants to be, not because it was trained to be.

My falcon; I love you, and trust you, and am comfortable with you, albeit sometimes from the edge of my seat. 😉

And Master I know what it took for you to set me free to send me off to chase a dream …to share me to the point we had little time together …Master Thank you for all that you are I adore you …and will listen more closely …